Fault
by purplepagoda
Summary: What if in attempt to catch a killer, Jane becomes the victim. How will this detective deal with the trauma? After all she's been through, can she deal with a psycho who is worse, than Hoyt? Will she ever be able to get her tormentor out of her head?
1. Just Another Serial Killer

She had been back for months. She had finally been taken off desk duty, and put back into the field. She had dealt with her share of psychopaths, but this case was different. They knew who the perpetrator was. They knew what he liked, but they didn't know where to find him.

Frost drives her home that night. When he pulls up the curb he locks the car doors, preventing her from getting out.

"What are you doing?"

"Jane are you sure about this?"

"Really, Frost? You're going to lecture me, too?"

"I am just asking. This is dangerous. You could get hurt."

"It is part of the job."

"You have to be careful. I don't want another partner," he tells her.

"Gee, thanks. Is that supposed to inspire me to change my mind?"

"No, it's just a reminder, to be careful."

"I know what I am getting myself into, here. I want to catch this bastard."

"At what cost?"

"I'm not going to get hurt. I know what I'm doing."

"I don't think you should do this."

"Because I'm a girl?"

"That's why you should do it."

"Then why do you think I shouldn't do it?"

"Because you always wait until the last minute. You cut it too close. You try to be a hero, even if you don't want to be called that. You don't do the world any good, if you're on a slab, in Maura's morgue."

"I know that."

"This guy is a psychopath."

"I know that."

"He's a monster, Rizzoli."

"Is that supposed to scare me? We deal with monsters every single day."

"This is different. This guy is a different breed of monster. We don't know enough about him, to do this. We've been on this case for twenty eight hours. We need more time."

"More time? Frost we don't have more time. We went to seven crime scenes today. All seven of them were his. It will take Maura three days to finish all seven bodies. The bodies are just going to keep stacking up. We don't have a choice. We have to catch this guy, before we get anymore bodies, ok?"

"He's worse than Hoyt."

"I know that."

"What if we can't get to you in time? What if you aren't that lucky?"

"You'll be sitting out here, watching. Nothing is going to happen. The second that I know he's there, you'll know," she unlocks her door.

"Jane?"

"Huh?"

"Just be careful."

"Ok," she agrees.

She gets out of the car, and goes into her apartment. Frost waits, outside in his car. He watches carefully. He would have felt more at ease, if he weren't the only person available for back up. With seven bodies every member of Boston PD was either at a crime scene, or at the station, going through evidence.

Vince Korsak sifts through the crime scene photos. It was easy to tell what the victims had in common. Physical appearance. Dark hair, slender, tall, dark eyes. Unfortunately, that also described one Jane Rizzoli. Which was exactly why she had volunteered herself as bait. They knew the perp would be watching. Vince lays the crime scene photos out on the table. He tries to shake the nagging feeling at the pit of his stomach. He carefully looks at each photo. Then he sees it. All the victims had more than one thing in common. It was more than looks. It was convenience too. They all lived in apartments, which wasn't really that odd. But as he looks at the picture he realizes why. Each apartment has duct work. Duct work, and a vent large enough for someone to fit through.

He pulls out his phone. He calls another detective, one he knows will still be at the scene.

"Hello?"

"Crowe I need you to do me a favor."

"You've got something?"

"Look in the vent."

"The vent? What vent."

"The one that is large enough for someone to fit through."

"Why didn't we think of that earlier?"

"It was such chaos," Vince replies. He waits as Crowe unscrews the cover on the vent. Crowe takes the cover off the vent, and looks inside, with a flash light.

"Vince?"

"Yeah?"

"I have a couple of clothing fibers here. He was definitely in this vent."

"I want you to look through every other vent."

"Ok. Give me a couple of minutes, and I'll call you back."

"Ok," Vince hangs up.

Five minutes later Crowe calls back. As Vince picks up the phone he feels his stomach churning.

"Well?"

"We looked at the other vents earlier, for recording devices."

"You didn't find anything then."

"Because we weren't looking hard enough. All of them had duct tape in them."

"That's not unusual, it is duct work."

"It's double sided," Crowe responds.

"Double sided?"

"Maybe that's how he knew so much about his victims. He was watching them."

"I've got to call Frost."

He hangs up. His finger feel heavy, and clumsy as he tries to dial detective Frost's number. After three rings Frost answers.

"Frost," he answers.

"Any movement?"

"None, why?"

"How long has she been home?"

"An hour and a half. It's been quiet."

"Frost he's watching her."

"You think that he's already here?"

"I don't know if he's there, but I know he's watching her. We found double sided tape in the vents."

"Cameras?"

"That's what we think. It's just speculation, at this point, but we can't be too careful."

"She's going to be pissed if I blow this."

"It's better for her to be pissed, than dead."

"How did he get in?"

"The vent."

"Jane doesn't have a vent large enough for someone to fit through, in her apartment."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Is there any other way that he could get in?"

"I don't think so."

"Think harder, Frost."

"Um... ceiling tiles. She has ceiling tiles in her bathroom."


	2. Saving Jane

Maura Isles looks over at her assistant. She finds that he looks exhausted. She looks at the body, and backs away from the table. She peels off her gloves.

"I think that we should be done for now. It can wait until morning. We'll do a better job, with fresh eyes."

Her assistant nods. He puts the body back into the freezer.

"Do you need anything else?"

"For you to go home, and get some rest. I'll see you at 0700, tomorrow."

"Ok," he agrees.

Dr. Isles goes into her office. She begins to sift through the victims lab reports, and medical records. She had only managed to get through with one body so far. She had spent most of the day in transport from crime scene to crime scene, or crime scene to autopsy. She looks at the lab report for the body that she had autopsied, first. She files through the folder, full of lab reports. She notices one thing that they all have in common. She moves on to another file. She looks at the first victim's medical record. Then the second. Then the third. By the time she gets to the third victim she knows that there is a pattern. She knows what she'll find in the medical records of the other victims. She swallows hard, and reaches for the phone.

Vince answers his phone after a single ring. "Dr. Isles do you have anything for me?"

"I have something big."

"Ok. What?"

"Are you sitting down?"

"Yeah. What's going on?"

"How far have you gotten into the victims histories?"

"We haven't. We've been too busy going through crime scene evidence."

"It's worse than we thought."

"Worse how?"

"I have lab results, and medical records, for each of the victims."

"And?"

"Each one of the victims has a rape kit on file."

"Obviously. That's not news Maura. We suspected sexual assault."

"Not from today," she reveals.

"What do you mean, not from today? Didn't you do a SAE kit, on all of them?"

"Yes."

"I don't understand."

"They all have rape kits from an earlier date."

"You think that he chose rape victims as his targets?"

"No, I think that he raped them, and then went back."

"What?"

"All of the rape kits are from the past eight weeks."

"Let me get this straight. You think he raped them, and then went back, and raped them, and killed them? Why would he do that?"

"He wants to torture them."

"Torture them how?"

"Every single one of the victims had elevated levels of HcG. HCG stands for..."

"I know what it stands for. Are you sure, about that?"

"Yes."

"If they all have SAE kits, then why didn't we get a hit on his DNA, from them?"

"Because they were all incomplete."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Right, that's my job to find out. Text me the information on the hospitals, and I'll take care of it."

Frost attempts not to fall asleep. He ignores his gut feeling that this is going to go terribly. He finishes his last sip of coffee when the phone rings.

"Frost," he answers.

"Get her out, now! I'm sending back up. He might still be there. It might be too late."

"Korsak what's going on?"

"Just go, now!"

"Ok," he agrees.

He gets his weapon, and races out of the car, onto the street. He climbs up the stairs to Jane's apartment. He doesn't bother to knock on the door. He simply kicks it in. He moves his flash light back and forth across the room. He sweeps the living room, and kitchen. He finds them empty. He moves into the bathroom. He finds that the bathroom is empty. He moves towards Jane's room. He stops in the doorway. He sees her lying on the bed. He moves toward the closet. He finds that the closet is empty. He feels relief wash over him.

Suddenly he realizes that Jane would be aware of his presence. There is no way he could kick in her door, and not have her wake up. He moves closer to the bed.

"Jane?" he calls out.

He gets no response. He shines his flashlight at her bed. She lies motionless in the bed. Upon first glance one would assume that she was just sleeping. He notices that the covers are at the end of the bed. He notices the puddle of blood. He moves towards her. He puts his fingers against her neck. He presses harder. Finally he finds a very faint pulse. He calls for back up. He looks at the wound on her leg. He knows that he has to do something, or she'll be the eighth body. That was his M.O. He nicked his victims femoral artery, in a way that they would bleed out slowly.

Thoughts race through his head. Something tells him to go into the kitchen. He opens the freezer, and pulls out an ice pack. He races back into the room, and presses it to her leg. It seems like hours before anyone arrives. In reality it's about two minutes. Members of Boston PD, and EMT's rush into the room. The EMT's quickly transport Jane out of the room, to the ambulance. Frost rides with her to the hospital.

For once in his life, he seems un-phased by all the blood. He doesn't care that he is covered in blood. They arrive at the hospital in record time. The doctor asks him to wait in the waiting room, as they take Jane to a cubicle. Ten minutes later Maura joins him in the waiting room.

"How is she?"

"I don't know."

"What happened?"

"He got to her."

"Do you know what he did to her?"

"All I know is that he nicked her femoral artery."

"They haven't come out to tell you anything?"

"No."

"This is bad."

"Maura, what if she doesn't make it? It's my fault. I should have gone in sooner. I should have told her no. This never should have happened."

"There is no stopping Jane, when makes her mind up about something."

"I should have tried."

"Have you called her parents?"

"They're on their way."

"Good."

"Maura?"

"Huh?"

"How long?"

"It depends on whether the artery is totally severed, or not."

"I put ice on it. I don't know why, but I did. I..."

"That's good."

"It is?"

"It causes vasoconstriction, it helps slow the bleeding."


	3. Forget About It

Four hours later Frost walks into the private room. Maura is by his side. Angela follows behind them. They stand at the foot of the bed, staring at Jane. Angela turns to Frost. She shakes her head.

"I can't do this. I can't see her like this. Call me when she wakes up."

"Frank will drive you home?"

"Yes," she nods.

Barry lets her leave the room. Maura scoots the chairs closer to Jane's bedside. Frost takes a seat next to her.

"Frost?"

"Yes, Dr. Isles."

"You should go home, and take a shower."

"I'm fine."

"She shouldn't wake up, and see you like that?"

"Like what?" he questions forgetting about the blood all over him.

"A bloody mess. That is going to set off alarm bells. You hate blood. You're wearing, blood, an you don't even care."

"It's Jane's blood. It's different."

"Exactly, now go home, and take a shower."

"I don't want to leave her.

"At least go take a shower."

"Fine," he grumbles, and leaves the room.

Maura sits alone, with Jane. She stares at Jane. Her face is bruised, and cut. The gown hides most of the rest of her injuries. Except for her hands. Broken fingernails, and scratches. The side of here hand has a stab wound that is bandaged. Maura's eyes float back to Jane's face. Her cheek bone is bruised. She knows that it would take more than that, to knock Jane Rizzoli unconscious. Jane had put up a serious fight. What Maura couldn't figure out was how he managed to restrain her while... she tries to push the thought from her mind.

She turns, and looks at the monitor. Then she checks the IV solution, and the pump. She looks at her friend, laying lifelessly in the bed. She had never seen Jane so pale. Maura looks up, at the unit of blood hanging on the IV pole. She tries her hardest not to imagine what Jane had gone through only hours earlier. Maybe she would never know. Jane had been unconscious, for hours. Maybe Jane would never get to tell her side of the story. The evidence was damning. Maura wondered if it had been worth it. Would they ever catch the monster who did this?

Why hadn't Jane shot him? Why hadn't she heard him approaching? There was something wrong.

Maura pulls out her phone. She dials Korsak.

"How's she doing?"

"She's stable, for now. I need to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"Why didn't Jane shoot him. Where is her gun? How did he get to her without waking her up?"

"Maura, I don't know."

"Jane knew that he was coming. I just can't believe that she would actually fall asleep."

"Hold on a second," he heads into Jane's kitchen. He finds nothing unusual. He looks through the trash. He finds an empty water bottle, on the top of the heap.

"Are you still there?" Maura asks.

"Yeah. There is an empty water bottle in the trash can. Maybe he drugged her. Did you get the tox panels back on..."

"No. I ran an extended panel, they weren't back by the time that I left. They might be done by now."

"I'll keep you posted. Let me know when she wakes up."

"Ok," Maura agrees.

She hangs up the phone, and sinks back into the chair. She stares at the clock on the wall. She listens to it tick. Before she knows it, she's fallen asleep. When she wakes up, she finds that Frost has returned. He sits in the chair next to her, fast asleep. She pushes the blanket off of her. She flips on the light.

"Turn it off," a voice insists.

Maura quickly turns the light off. Suddenly she realizes where the voice is coming from.

"You're awake?"

"Maura?"

"Hm?"

"Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital," Maura answers.

"I don't remember what happened."

"That's ok," Maura replies.

"So, obviously things didn't go as planned."

"No."

"Did we catch him?"

"No."

"Maura why can't I remember what happened? Did I hit my head, or something?"

"No you didn't hit your head."

"Then why can't I remember?"

"Would you like me to speculate?"

"Yes."

"You could be repressing it. You probably don't want to remember."

"Don't want to? Tell me what happened."

"I don't know, exactly."

"What does the evidence say, Maura?"

"He nicked your femoral artery. If Frost hadn't found you when he did you would probably be dead."

"I don't feel any pain."

"They have you on some pretty strong pain medication."

"Why?"

"You have a nicked femoral artery."

"And?"

"And, it's not as if I have memorized your injuries."

"Really? You didn't look at all my x-rays and triple check everything the doctors have done?"

"Where would you like me to start?"

"At the beginning."

"Head to toe?"

"That's fine."

"Hairline fracture of the left zygomatic bone, busted lip, fractured clavicle, two broken ribs. Various contusions, and abrasions over the rest of your body."

"I must really look rough."

"Not at all."

"Maura you're a terrible liar."

"Yes, I am."

"That's why I know that..."

Maura cuts her off, "Don't ask questions, that have answers that you aren't yet prepared to deal with," she warns.


	4. You Just Did

Jane stares at her best friend. She doesn't ask the question. She waits for the answer, knowing that Maura can hear her thoughts. Instead saying anything, she shakes her head, and looks away. Her reaction makes Jane's heart sink. She reaches for her IV. Maura reacts quickly. She gently places her hand on Jane's arm, covering the IV insertion site.

"Maura, please. Let me go. I'm of no use to anyone, in here."

"You can't fix this. You need to let everyone else do their job. I know that you don't want to hear it, but right now, you would be more of a hindrance, than a help. You need to get better. Ok?"

"No. It's not ok. I don't understand what when wrong. What happened? I was supposed to be bait. I was going to bait him, and catch him. Why didn't I? What stood in my way?"

"Frost found a bottle of water in your trash can."

"You think that I was drugged?"

"We think that it is a possibility."

"You know something I don't?"

"He watched all of his other victims. He knew their routines. He knew everything about him. He knew you, too. I beginning to think that maybe you were the one he really wanted. He knew that if he did this that you would come after him. He knew what you would do. It makes me think he was watching you, for a while. He was watching, and planning. He waited for the right moment, and he jumped on it."

"Anything else you would like to tell me?"

"He terrorized his victims. He raped them, and then went back later, and killed them."

"What do you mean?"

"Every one of the seven bodies in my morgue have incomplete rape kits, from between six, and eight weeks ago."

"Incomplete, all of them are incomplete? Why? What spooked them?"

"I don't know." Maura casts her glance, to the floor. Jane notices.

"What else is there? What aren't you telling me?"

"They all had elevated levels of HCG in their blood. All of them were pregnant."

"You think that he chose pregnant victims?"

Maura shakes her head, "No. He impregnated his victims."

"Why?"

"To torture them, I guess."

"Did any of the victims come to this hospital?"

"Why?"

"We need to find out what spooked them."

"You are not going to do anything, except stay here, and get well."

"We have to find out."

"I'll take care of it. I remember the name of the nurse that was on one of the reports from this hospital."

"Maura?"

"Yes, Jane?"

"I am not anyone's victim."

"You don't have to tell me that."

Jane looks at Maura. The words sit on the tip of her tongue, but no sounds come out of her mouth. Maura looks back at her, knowing if she asks the question, she couldn't lie. She decides to broach the subject, carefully.

"I think that it would be beneficial, for you to talk to a psychiatrist."

"Why?"

"It can help with repressed memories that are caused by traumatic experiences."

"I am not traumatized."

"Repression is a coping mechanism."

"How bad?"

"How bad, what?"

"How bad?"

"It took them hours to stabilize you."

"That is not what I'm asking, and you know it."

"We have eight SAE kits, an only one of them is complete."

"You have seven women in your morgue," Jane points out.

"I know."

"And mine?"

"What about yours?"

"What were the results?"

"Does it matter?"

"I..."

Barry clears his throat. Maura looks at him.

"Why don't you go see if you can finds that nurse?" he suggests.

"You've been awake, for a while?"

"Yeah, Maura, I can take it from here."

Maura nods, and steps out of the room. Barry scoots his chair closer to Jane.

"Why won't she answer me?"

"Jane, promise me that you'll stop trying to be a hero."

"I don't want to be a hero."

"Then stop acting like one."

"Are you going to answer my question?"

"Do I really have to? Do I have to answer your question, for you to know what happened?"

"I need to hear the words."

"He's in your head, isn't he?"

"I..."

"He did what he set out to do. He baited you. He crushed you, and now he's trying to play mind games with you."

"Well, it's working."

"I don't think that I should be your partner, anymore."

"Why would you say that?"

"Jane, I'm not a good partner. I never get to you in time. You almost died, tonight. Korsak is the one that saved you from death. I can't save you. I didn't save you. You're still alive, but not because of me. I am your partner, I never should have let you do this."

"Why are you saying all of this?"

"Because you shouldn't have been his next victim. You might not want to be a victim, but..."

"But what?"

"What do you want us to call you? What is a synonym for victim? Prey? Does that make it any better? Jane this is my fault. I should have stopped you, and I didn't. Now we're here, and..."

"And?"

"You're just another one of his victims."

"I am not," she argues.

"Yes you are. Would you like me to answer your question to Maura?"

"About what?"

"SAE results."

"Yes," she nods.

"I don't think that you do."

She breaks eye contact. She looks away. She stares at the IV in the back of her hand. She gets a far off look in her eye. Her vision clouds, as tears well up in her eyes.

"You just did," she replies.


	5. Unanswered Questions

Maura stares at the young woman. Maybe she was getting old, but the blonde looked far too young to be a nurse. A nurse who had been at the hospital for five years. Maura waits for her answer.

"Do you know why she left?" Maura questions.

"She got a text message."

"What did it say?"

"She didn't say, she just left."

"Is that common? It was the second time, in three weeks."

"Do you remember the other one who left?"

She thinks back, "Come to think of it, I thought that it was unusual, because they looked so much alike. Do you remember her name?"

"I can't violate HIPPA, you know that."

"You know that I am..."

"I know what you do."

"Then you should know that there are seven women in my morgue right now. Their rapist killed them, all of them, in a matter of hours. He went to their homes, and he killed them."

"I can't tell you."

"Fine," Maura steps away.

Hours later Jane returns from her sedative induced nap. She looks around the room, and finds Maura sitting in a chair, next to her. Maura sleeps, peacefully.

"Maura?"

"Yes, Jane?"

"I want to go home."

"The doctor will be in to see you soon," she mumbles.

"Are you awake?"

"Ten more minutes."

"When is the doctor supposed to be in?"

"Nine thirty."

"It's already nine twenty."

"That's why I said, ten more minutes."

"Have you gotten any sleep?"

"I fell asleep fifteen minutes ago."

"Where did Frost go?"

"To do some work."

"What kind of work?"

"Detective work, I assume."

Frost shakes his head, as he studies the phone records of the victims. He looks over at Vince.

"You got something?"

"Phone records."

"And?"

"The message is pretty clear."

"What message?"

"He sent all of them text messages. They are all from the same burn phone."

"What's the message?"

"I'll be back."

"They knew that he was coming back?"

"I talked to their regular physicians."

"And?"

"They were all tested for STD's."

"Anything else?"

"It looks as if all of them knew that they were pregnant."

"Frost this is bad. What if these aren't his first victims? What if their are more that we don't even know about? We need to find out more about these victims. I want every similarity, and every difference. I want similar crimes from the past ten years."

"I'm going to need helpe."

"There is no one else available."

"I can't do it on my own."

"You need to find a way."

"I'll think of something," he agrees.

He walks into Jane's room. He carries stacks of folders, a laptop, and a charger. She looks at him questioningly.

"Have you seen the doctor, yet?"

"He said that I can go home," Jane answers.

Maura looks at her, and then to Barry, "Jane told him that she would sign out AMA, if he didn't let her go. So of course he discharged her, so that the hospital wouldn't have to eat the costs."

"When can you leave?"

"As soon as I get a shower and get dressed."

"Jane can I ask you something?"

"What, Frost?"

"I was wondering if you could help me."

"Do what?"

"We have all hands on deck, and..."

"You need more, hands?"

"Yes," he nods.

"What do you want me to do?"

"I brought files, of the seven women. I want you to go through them, and find all the similarities."

"I can do that."

"Are you sure that you're up to it? You don't have to, if you're not."

"No, I need something to keep me busy, while I'm at Maura's."

"You agreed to stay with her?"

"What choice do I have? My apartment is a crime scene."

"Indeed it is."

Barry leaves the stuff with Maura. Maura hands Jane a change of clothes, that she

had sent over from Jane's apartment. Luckily for Jane there was a female detective present, to take care of the matter, for her. Jane heads into the bathroom. She finds that Maura has place a towel over the mirror.

"Really, Maura?"

"Leave it Jane, I'm warning you."

"I'm fine."

"You're going to wish that you had listened to me. If you're in there too long, I'm coming for you."

"I know."

Jane pulls the towel off the mirror. She stares at her bruised face. She exhales loudly.

"I brought make up, if you want it," Maura adds.

"I'll be ok. You're the only one who is going to see me. You don't care what I look like, do you?"

"Nope. Your mom might come to see you."

"Where is she?"

"She..."

"She didn't want to see me?"

"Get in the shower, Jane," Maura insists.

Jane peels off he clothes, and steps into the shower.

"Don't scrub all of your skin of," Maura pleads from outside the door.


	6. Target Practice

"I'll try not to," she mutters under her breath.

Her shower turns out to be the most excruciating one that she's ever taken. Between the broken, and fractured bones, the bruises, and her scrubbing, there is nothing but pain. She gets out of the shower, even though she doesn't yet feel clean. She steps out knowing, that she is about to exceed her time limit. The last thing she wants is Maura to come in here, and drag her out of the shower. Not that she can put up much of a fight. She just doesn't want her friend to see everything. The worst wounds are the ones that can be hidden by clothing.

She can feel lacerations on her back, and shoulders. She studies the bruise on her stomach. She takes a deep breath, and her glance falls. She looks at the bruises on her legs.

"Jane, get dressed," Maura tells her.

It isn't fair that Maura was nearly telepathic. She knows Jane's behaviors, and she knows how she thinks. Jane pulls her hair into a pony tail, even though it's still wet. She carefully pulls on her clothes.

"Do you need any help?" Maura calls from outside the door.

"No," Jane replies.

She feels relief wash over her, when she spots the jacket. She is certain that Maura had made a precise list of exactly what she wanted sent over. It wouldn't even be a surprise to Jane, if Maura has sent a copy to the detective. Jane finishes putting on her clothing. She slips on socks, and shoes. She takes a step towards the door, and hears something crinkle. She bends down, and picks up the post-it note between her shoe, and the floor. She reads it, and drops it like hot coals, that burn her fingers.

"Jane? Are you ok? Hey? Are you coming out of there, any time today?"

"Maura, come in here."

Maura instantly recognizes the fear in Jane's voice. Jane pulls open the bathroom door. Maura moves towards her. She notices the look of panic on Jane's face.

"What's wrong?"

Jane points to the piece of paper, on the floor.

"What? What does it say?"

"I'll be back. Maura how did this get in here?"

"I'm calling Frost."

"Why? So he can..."

"So he can protect you."

"Maura what if he was here? What if he came in here, and no one even noticed."

"No one came into this room, but the doctor, and the nurses."

"What if it's the doctor?"

"It's not. His fingerprints would be in the database. Besides, we know who this guy is. We just don't know..." Maura trails of, realizing what she is about to say, will not be helpful.

"Where he is," Jane finishes her sentence.

Jane sits in Maura's guest bedroom, trying not to feel uncomfortable. A uniformed officer sits outside of the room. Two more sit outside the house, in an unmarked car. One sits by each door. A bit excessive, but Maura had insisted, since she had to return to work, to help find similarities in the victims.

Jane doesn't need to find anymore similarities. She knows all that she needed to know. She knows where they were from. Where they worked. Where they hung out. Marital status. Religious views. Shoe size. Dress size. Middle name. Date of birth. Place of birth. The more she learns, the more she realizes the truth. They had all been practice. He is after her. She isn't sure what he wants from her, but she knows that she isn't about to give it to him.

Frost walks into the morgue, with an unusual look on his face. A look of disbelief, is not what he usually wore, in this room, but today it was. Maura finishes washing her hands, as her assistant pushes the body back into the cooler.

"Something wrong?"

"Yeah," he nods.

"What?"

"Thirty six."

"Thirty six? Is that supposed to mean something."

"The number of other victims that we know of, for sure."

"Dead, or alive?"

"Alive."

"Why did he start killing?"

"To capture our attention. He raped women in six other states."

"Why do I get the feeling that there is something you're not telling me?"

"He's playing games with us. He wants us to have all this evidence, because he knows that we can never get through of all of it."

"Have you talked to any of the other victims?"

"No, I haven't had time."

"Did you learn anything, useful?"

"He's definitely a monster. One who isn't afraid of getting caught. The thing is, he's too smart to get caught."

"No one is that smart."

"Maura thirty six other victims. Thirty six children, over the past five years."

"You're telling me that he impregnated them all? Why would he do that?"

"I don't know. To torture them, I guess. None of them believed in abortion."

"They all had the babies?"

"Thirty two were adopted. One miscarried. One stillborn."

"They didn't take the morning after pill?"

"I don't know. I haven't gotten that far."

Before Maura can ask her next question, Frost's phone rings.

"Frost? Yeah, I'm on my way."

"Is it Jane?"

"No. They found two more victims."

"Is there anything that I can do, to help?"

"Your job," he answers.

"Will do," she promises.

"Have you talked to Jane?"

"Ten minutes ago."

"She sent me her list."

"You think the same thing that I do?"

"She's his target."

"But why? Is it someone she knows?"

"I don't know. She sure did something, to piss him off."

"She doesn't remember him, from anywhere?"

"No. Does she remember what happened?"

"No. I hope that she never does."

"I think that he screwed up, with her."

"Why is that?"

"His other victims weren't able to fight back. Why did she?"

"She said that the water tasted funny, so she poured it out. She didn't even drink half of it."

"Most people wouldn't notice that."

"But she did. She's a cop."

"He picked the wrong person to mess with. When we catch him, he's going to be one sorry SOB."


	7. Mental Block

"I don't understand why I have to stay here. I'm ok. I can take care of myself. I don't need you babysitting me," Jane complains.

"I am not here to baby-sit you."

"Oh, I must be confused. I guess that is the uniformed officer's job," Jane replies.

"Jane, don't make this any worse than it has to be."

"Why am I staying with you? Why can't I go home?"

"Because your place is an active crime scene," Maura reminds her.

"I'll sleep on the couch."

"Not the point, Jane."

"What is everyone so afraid of? Why are you all treating me like a child?"

"You don't remember."

"I know."

"There is nothing wrong with your brain," Maura adds.

"I know. We've been over this a hundred times. I am blocking it out, because it was traumatic, and I don't want to think about it."

"It's not just that."

"What else is it? Are you afraid that he's going to come back?"

"You don't have any idea what it looks like," Maura warns.

"I've seen crime scenes before."

"How many have been your home?"

"I..."

Maura pulls out her phone, she pulls up a picture.

"I really don't think you should see this, but, here," she hands her the phone.

Jane stares at the picture of her room. Everything is covered in blood. The bed, the floor, the wall, the bedside stand. Foot prints. Sheets, and blankets all over the place. Clearly it had been chaos. Jane pushes the thought from her mind. She hands the phone back to Maura.

"Do you remember?"

Jane shakes her head, "No, and I honestly hope that I never do."

"I know."

"How did I let this happen? I should have known better," Jane questions.

"You were just trying to do your job."

"I should have listened to my partner."

"You rarely do."

"He was right."

"He usually is," Maura points out.

"Have you talked to him?"

"About what?"

"Maura, he found me."

"I know."

"He shouldn't have had to see me like that. Every time we leave the precinct is he going to think of me lying there, bleeding out?"

"I don't know. How is your leg feeling?"

"It still hurts. The bruise is the size of a football."

"He saved your life, you know."

"And how am I ever supposed to repay him?"

"You can't."

"Maura... I really screwed up this time."

"I know," Maura responds.

"You're supposed to disagree."

"Jane, I can't. You made a mistake. A mistake that almost got you killed. You're angry with yourself, and I am kind of angry at you too. You're my best friend. I almost lost you," Maura explains.

"I don't know if I can do this."

Maura furrows her brow, "Do what?"

"This. I don't know if I can do this anymore."

"Do what?" Maura repeats.

"This job. It has taken so much. It has taken too much for me. Everyone that I have ever loved, has left, because I am unavailable. Nobody wants to be with someone who is married to their job."

"Jane..."

"I'm serious Maura. I don't know if I can do this anymore. It's always one thing, after another."

"You love your job."

"I could love another job."

"What job? What else would you do?"

"I could do anything I wanted to."

"You could, but you're a cop. How old were you when you knew you wanted to be a cop?"

"Three. I was a cop for Halloween. It was really a mistake, actually. Ma forgot about costumes, and that was all they had left. I loved it. After that I knew I wanted to be a cop."

"What else would you do?"

She shrugs, "I don't know."

"I think that you should talk to someone."

"I am talking to you," Jane retorts.

"Someone else. A professional."

"Maura I don't need a shrink."

"I disagree."

"Why?"

"You keep moving on, no matter what happens, and you never deal with it. You have traumatic experiences, and you try to lock them in the past, but they haunt you, because you never let them go."

"They're called battle scars, Maura."

"Except most of them are not physical."

"Some of them are," Jane argues.

"As your friend, I'm telling you, you have to deal with this one."

"What if I don't want to?"

"It will tear you apart, from the inside, out," Maura guesses.

"How can you be so sure?"

"I know you. I know how this works. I know that nobody can go through what you've gone through, not deal with, and be ok."

"I don't know how to deal with it."

"You need to talk to someone, other than me."

"Maura I don't want to talk about my feelings, to someone that I don't even know."

"Why not? What are you afraid of?"

"What if I find out something that I don't want to know?"

"You ask for help, you learn to deal with it."

"That is easier said than done."

"I know," Maura sympathizes.


	8. Hard Times

He taps his ink pen on the desk. He blinks. He stares at the computer screen blankly. His eyes burn, his back aches, his head throbs. He sighs in frustration. Another brick wall. The more they were finding out, the farther way he got.

"Frost, go home, get some sleep," Korsak insists.

"I'm fine."

"How much sleep did you get yesterday?"

"I dozed off for a little while. I'm fine."

"You need to go home, come back with fresh eyes."

"Korsak, I can't do that."

"Yes you can."

"No, I can't. Some psychopath is after my partner. He nearly killed her, already. He's fixated on her, and we have no clue where he is. We get more information on him, and he just gets further away. How am I supposed to sleep? Huh? How do I sleep, knowing that he could get to Jane, at any minute. He could kill her, and it would be my fault, because I didn't find him in time. I didn't stop him."

"No. It's not your fault."

"I should have gone in sooner."

"So you could be more traumatized, than you already are?"

"So I could have stopped all of this from happening. She'll never forgive me for not getting to her in time."

"She doesn't even remember."

"But she will."

She rolls over, she's glad to find that she's finally alone, sort of. She spots the uniformed officer, outside of her room. It was kind of ridiculous that he have to stand and guard her. She slides out of the bed, and makes her way to the bathroom. She finds herself, staring in the mirror. She tries to push all the feelings away, but she can't. She sinks to the ground. Her back leans up against the door of the cabinet, under the sink. She draws her knees to her chest.

She expects Maura to sense her falling apart. Maura was her best friend, but sometimes she knew too much. She could read Jane too well. She hears footsteps. She listens carefully. After three footsteps towards her, she recognizes that they do not belong to Maura. She looks up, and finds her partner moving towards her.

She looks around, for a place to hide. It was too late now, he knew that she was there. She just didn't want him to see her like this. Weak, and broken. She didn't need her partner to see the tears streaming down her face. She expects him to stop before her, and ask what's wrong. He doesn't. Instead he just offers her his hand. She takes it, and he pulls her to her feet. She stands in silence, and looks at him, wondering what he's going to do, or say next. He gently pulls her into a hug.

She doesn't push away. She holds on tightly, as his arms wrap around her. She allows his arms to envelope her. She plants her face on his shoulder. She takes a deep, labored breath. She smells his cologne, and sweat. She rests her head on his shoulder.

He feels her tears soaking through his button down. He had no words to offer. He didn't want to know what was going on in her head. He already knew, he didn't need words. All he could offer was a shoulder. If she needed a shoulder, he would be it. He feels helpless to help her. So he offers all he can. A shoulder to cry on, and two arms to hold her, upright.

She doesn't move. She holds on tightly. Her breathing begins to normalize. She continues to hold on. Finally he breaks the silence.

"I'm going to find him," he whispers his promise.

She simply nods.

"I wish I could take it all back, but I can't. I know that I can't redeem myself, but I will find him."

"Redeem yourself? You didn't do anything wrong," she tells him, in a small voice.

"I did."

"No, it was me."

"I don't wanna argue about this. I just want you to know, I'm going to catch him."

"Ok."

"Jane?"

"Hm?" she lets go of him.

He lets go of her. She takes a step back. She stares at him, waiting for him to respond.

"If you need anything, you call me, ok?"

"Ok," she nods.

"Do you need anything?" he inquires.

"I just need you to do your job."

"Done. Are you hungry?"

"I'm fine," she replies.

"Ok, I'm going to head home, and get a shower, I'm pretty funky. I'll be back at the precinct after that, if you need me. Don't hesitate to call, if you do."

"I won't."

Hours later, she falls back to sleep. Maura sleeps in the other room, down the hallway. The piercing screams wake her up. She throws back her covers, and races down the hall, in the dark. She pushes Jane's door open, the rest of the way. She goes over to the bed, and flips on the light. She looks at Jane, who looks around the room in panic. She fights to catch her breath. She is tangled in sheets, and covered in sweat. Maura takes at seat, on the bed, next to her.

"Are you ok? What's wrong? What happened?"

"I'm never sleeping again."

"Jane? What happened? Did you see him? Was he here?"

"Only in my nightmare."

"Your nightmare?"

"Also known as reality."

"You remember?"

"I..." Jane swallows hard.

"It's ok. You don't have to talk about it. I won't ask."

"It's not ok. Nothing is ok. I need a shower."

"Do not start the obsessive compulsive cycle."

"Maura, don't. Don't analyze me. You weren't there. You don't know what happened. If I bathed in bleach, I still couldn't get him off of me."

"Jane..."

She bails out of the bed, and runs to the bathroom. Maura hears the shower turn on. She sighs in defeat. She goes to Jane's overnight bag, and pulls out a clean change of clothes. She knocks on the door.

"What?" Jane screams.

Maura pushes the door open. She places the clothes on the counter.

"Clean clothes," she announces, and leaves the room.


	9. Possibilities

Maura wakes up at the foot of Jane's bed. She finds that Jane is still awake. The sun is just coming up. Jane stands in front of the window, with the curtain up. Maura notices the bottle in her hand.

"Jane it's a little early to start drinking, don't you think?"

"I started hours ago, so technically I think that it was a little late to start drinking."

Maura slides the bottle out of her hand.

"Jane, this bottle is nearly empty."

"I'll get you another bottle."

"That's not the point."

"What is the point, Maura?"

"You're drunk."

"Not even close," she argues.

"Enough. You are not going to do this," Maura warns.

"It will take another two of those for me to be drunk."

"And how many, until you forget?"

"We'll see," Jane responds.

"No, we won't. You are not going to do this. You will give yourself alcohol poisoning, before you forget."

"Then this will all be over."

"No. I am not going to let you do this."

"How are you going to stop you?"

"The hard way," Maura responds, as she walks out of the room. She goes into the kitchen, and dumps the remainder of the bottle out. She returns to the guest bedroom, with the telephone.

"Your choice. You seek professional help, or I call your mother, and she'll make you do it."

"You..."

"Jane those are your choices."

"Why does it even matter? I am never going to be the same."

"I know."

"No, you don't. You have no idea. He's still out there. We have no idea where he is, and..." her voice quivers.

"And what?"

"He'll be back."

"He won't."

"He will. He told me that he would."

"Do you remember what he looked like?"

"He was wearing a ski mask."

"You couldn't see anything?"

"His eyes were black, soulless."

"Race?"

"Caucasian."

"Ok. That's something. You should call Frost, and tell him."

"They won't find him."

"How are you so sure?"

"His tattoo."

"Tattoo? He had a tattoo. That has to be helpful."

"No, it's not."

"Where was it?"

"His right forearm."

"What did it look like?"

"It was an eagle with a trident," she replies.

"Does that mean something, to you?"

"It's the symbol for the Navy seals."

"You think that he's a Navy seal?"

"If so, they'll never find him, not if he doesn't want to be found."

"Have you ever seen them before?"

"Navy seals?"

"The tattoo."

"We investigated a group of Navy Seals, several years ago. There was a jurisdictional pissing contest, and we lost."

"You think that it was one of them?"

"Maybe, but there were thirty suspects."

"Thirty is better than thousands, Jane. You should call, and tell Frost."

Frost's arms are folded across his desk. His head rests on his arms. He drools all over the surface of his desk. Vince walks up to his desk, and places a fresh cup of coffee next to him. He gently nudges Barry's arm.

"Hey, wake up. We've got work to do."

"I'm awake."

"I interviewed one of the victims."

"Which one?"

"One in Rhode Island."

"And?"

"She couldn't tell me much about the perp. She told me that he had a tattoo, and that he wore a ski mask. He dropped notes, on her doorstep, at random, to remind her that he was still watching her. She moved nine times in six months."

"Anything else?"

"She gave birth four years ago. She has no contact with the child, or the adoptive parents. It was a closed adoption. She did tell me that the baby was boy. He weighed in at ten pounds seven ounces. She had to have an emergency c-section. Her uterus ruptured, and it had to be removed."

"We've got to catch this guy."

"How?"

"I don't know. We need to figure out how he's pulling so many strings."

"Have we figured out how the morning after pill failed every time?"

"I'm working on it."

"Any theories, Frost?"

"I don't have theories, but I have statistics."

"Ok, hit me, with them," Vince takes a seat, he wheels his chair over to Frost's desk.

"Emergency contraceptive is somewhere around 75% effective. That means out of a 1000 women who have unprotected sex, about 80 will get pregnant. The emergency contraceptive reduces the number to twenty. Somewhere around five percent of rapes result in pregnancy. I did the math. If we make exchange 36, for a thousand, we've got our hundred percent, in this scenario. For 1000 there were eighty. With 36 you get 2.88, we can round that to three, because obviously you can't have eight tenths of a person. If you multiply 3 by the twenty five percent, you have three fourths of a person. Out of thirty six, you might have one. If we do five percent of 36, which is the percentage of rape victims who get pregnant, then we get 1.8. So the number jumps up to two people," Frost reveals.

"What you're telling me, is that no matter how you do the math, you don't get thirty six?"

"Right."

"How does he get thirty six women pregnant, by raping them, and not get caught?" Korsak raises another good question.

"I don't know. How does he get all of them pregnant? Even if they didn't take the morning after pill, there is no statistical way they could all end up pregnant, " Frost shakes his head.

"Do you think that there are victims that we don't know about?"

"I think that this is a dangerous guy, who has a lot of resources."

"Frost?"

"Why isn't he in database? He had to practice, before five years ago."

"Maybe he's someone whose fingerprints are protected," Frost suggests.

"Oh, no. We're not going there. I don't want to open that can of worms. I would prefer to avoid the conspiracy theories, right now."

"So would, I, but I think that it's something that we're going to have to consider."


	10. Night Terror

Weeks pass. The weeks turn into a month, and, their case goes cold. With other murders piling up, they are forced to shift their focus. Jane returns to work, but is forced into desk duty. She returns home, after crime scene clean up. Each night she falls asleep on the couch, with all the lights on.

She falls asleep to the T.V. She wakes up hours later, to the telephone ringing. She reaches for the phone, and pulls it to her ear.

"Rizzoli," she announces.

"I'm just calling to wake you up."

"Maura I can wake up on my own."

"Jane, it's seven thirty."

"Oh. I must have fallen asleep."

"How long ago?"

"Four, or four thirty, I lost track."

"Get up."

"Maura?"

"Huh?"

"Have you been in my apartment?"

"No why?"

"I went to sleep with the TV on."

"It's not on?"

"No. The lights were on too," Jane sits up, straight as a board, on her couch.

"They're not now?"

"No."

"Maybe the electric is off."

Jane grabs the remote, and flips the T.V. on. It comes to life.

"No, it's not."

"Where is your gun?"

Jane reaches for the coffee table. She grabs her gun. As she lifts it off the table, she can feel that it is loaded, just the way that she left it.

"Jane hold on. I'll have a unit over there in ten seconds."

"Maura don't hang up," Jane begs.

"I'll use the other phone," Maura promises.

Jane listens to white noise on the other end for what seems like an eternity.

"Maura?" Jane says into the receiver.

"I'm back. They're on their way."

"I'm afraid to move, or turn on the light."

"Don't stop breathing."

"I... I shouldn't have to live like this. I shouldn't be afraid in my own home."

"Don't let him into your head."

"I didn't invite him, just like I didn't invite him into my house."

Jane hears the siren coming down the street. Thirty seconds later someone is knocking at her door. She knows by the sound of the knocking who it is. He puts the key into the lock, and unlocks the door. He steps inside, and flips the light on. She points her gun at him. She hangs up the phone. He moves towards her. She puts the gun down.

"Are you ok?" is the first thing that he asks.

"No, Frost I'm not ok."

"What happened?"

"I fell asleep with the TV, and the lights on. When I woke off they were both off."

"That doesn't mean that he was here."

Jane rises to her feet. She grabs her gun, and surveys the room. That's when she notices the envelope on the table, with her name on it. She points.

"That does."

He takes one look at the envelope, and nods in agreement. They begin systematically checking the apartment. Finally they return to the living room, after checking every hiding place.

"I hadn't seen your bathroom, since you dry walled the ceiling," he comments.

"Frost?"

"Yeah?"

"We dry walled the ceiling. There are not vents large enough for him to fit through. There is not attic, or crawl space. The only access into the apartment is a window, or a door. There is one door, in and out."

"I looked at the widows. No signs of forced entry."

"He walked in, through my front door, while I was sleeping. He stood their watching me. Hell, maybe he even wrote the note, while he was here. Maybe he used my pen. He came in, and I didn't even know it."

"You have gloves?"

"Yeah," she nods. She goes into the kitchen, and grabs gloves out of her drawer. She hands them to her. He pulls on the gloves, and reaches for the envelope. He stops, abruptly.

"What? What is it?"

"Did you take anything, last night?"

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?"

"A sleeping pill, or anything?"

"I don't sleep."

"You have a prescription."

"I am aware."

"They have been filled."

"You're keeping tabs on me?"

"Someone has to."

"I haven't taken any of them."

"How much did you have to drink last night?"

"I didn't have anything to drink last night. Maura brings me home every night, and makes sure that I am alone, and that there is no alcohol in the place."

"You didn't go to a bar?"

"Alone? No, I didn't."

"You didn't go with anyone?"

"No. Frost, I didn't go anywhere. I haven't had anything to drink in two weeks."

"What did you do, last night, when you got home?"

"I came home, and ate dinner, and then watched TV, until I fell asleep."

"What did you eat?"

"I had some cereal. Cinnamon Life, if you must know."

"With milk?"

"Yes. Why are you asking me all of this?"

"Is that how you went do bed?" he points.

She glances at her pajamas, and then directs her focus to him, "Yes this is what I wore to sleep in. Why?"

"You put them on, inside out?"

"What?"

"Did you put your pajamas on, inside out?"

"Of course not."

Barry doesn't respond. Jane looks down. She finds that her t-shirt, and her pajama bottoms, even her socks are inside out. She doesn't say a word. She just stares at Barry in horror. He proceeds to open the letter.


	11. Unthinkable

Barry reads the letter aloud. "'Jane so nice to see you again. You look so peaceful, sleeping. You were so out of it, you didn't even notice me. You should probably put your sleeping pills somewhere else. You just tempt me. You might want to dump out the milk, unless you want me to come back to visit. Not that it matters, I'm sure you'll be thinking of me'," he stops reading.

"That's it?"

He nods. She notes the expression on his face.

"Is that it?"

He doesn't respond this time.

"Frost why did you stop? Let me see."

"No. You don't need to see it."

"Frost, what does it say?" Jane demands to know.

"You don't want to know."

"Tell me, please," she begs.

"Jane, I think that... you should move. He's not going to leave you alone, if you stay here."

"Where am I going to go? The moon?"

"Jane..."

"Just finish reading the damn letter, Frost."

"You don't understand. I know you want to know what it says, but he's just trying to get into your head."

"He's already there. Just read the letter."

"Ok," he nods.

"Now!"

"'You really should dump out the milk. I would hate for you to overdose on the sleeping pills.'"

"That's it? Does he say why?"

"If you're dead he can't torture you anymore, and I don't think that he's done with you yet."

"He doesn't say why?"

"Um..." Frost looks away.

"What does it say? Why doesn't he want me to overdose on sleeping pills?"

"Are you sure you want me to keep reading?"

"How much is left?" Jane inquires.

"Just a little bit," Barry admits.

"How bad can it be?"

"I don't think you should be hearing this. Especially not from me," Frost replies.

"Just read it. Why doesn't he want me to overdose?"

"Is it really that important? I mean does the why matter? He's a sick son-of-a-bitch. You know that. You don't need a reason why."

"Frost, just read what it says. Why can't you do that?"

"I can, it's just..." he trails off.

"It's just, what?"

"I don't want to be the one reading this to you," he reveals.

"You're my partner."

"And this is my fault."

"It wasn't your fault. I did this, on my own."

"I should have come up sooner. I should have insisted on staying in the apartment with you."

"Frost, just read it. Whatever it says, I can handle it," Jane insists.

"Ok," he nods in agreement.

"Go ahead."

"'I would hate for you to lose the baby.'"

Jane stares at him in silence. She swallows the lump in her throat.

"Jane. Don't overreact. He's just trying to mess with your head."

"It's working."

"Just ignore it."

"Ignore it? How can I ignore it? Why would he write that?"

"I don't know," he shrugs.

"Really? I get the sense that you're keeping me out of the loop here. What aren't you telling me? What am I missing?"

"Nothing."

"Then wipe the guilty look off your face."

"I can't."

"What are you guilty of? What haven't you told me?"

"You know that the victims that Maura autopsied were all pregnant."

"Yes, I know that."

"Their gestations corresponded with the dates that they had rape kits done."

"Ok, he got them pregnant. What is your point?"

"You know how I had you profile the other victims?"

"Yeah."

"I may have left out a few small details."

"May have? What details, Frost?"

"Out of thirty six women..." he stops.

"Why are you stopping?"

"There were thirty six women. All of their medical records show, that they were all administered emergency contraceptives. Some of them got other kinds, than others."

"Ok, what is your point?"

"All thirty six women ended up pregnant."

"What do you mean?"

"The emergency contraceptives failed to work, in thirty six women. In different hospitals, with different medications, different staff members."

"They failed to work? How does that happen? Thirty-six times?"

"We haven't figured that out yet."

"What about pharmaceutical reps? They cover a lot of ground. Maybe a pharmaceutical rep replaced the drug with a different drug, or a lower dose. Were there any other incidents of the emergency contraceptives not working, in those hospitals, in patients that weren't his."

"I don't know. I haven't seen anything to that effect."

"So, you don't know how he pulled it off?"

"No," he shakes his head.

"Or why he did it?"

"No."

"Or why he's targeting me?"

"No."

"Obviously, I did something to really piss him off."

"Jane?"

"Yeah, Frost?"

"Do you think that it's possible, that you're pregnant?"

"No, I don't."

"Then why are you looking at me, like that? Like you're scared out of your mind?"


	12. Waking Up In A Nightmare

She doesn't say a word. He points to the kitchen.

"Why don't you eat something? I'm going to go run an errand, and I'll be back in a few minutes, ok? Will you be ok, until then?"

"I'll be fine. I won't fall asleep in the next few minutes."

"Ok. I'll pick up some fresh milk, while I'm out. Dump the old, out."

"Will do," she agrees.

When he returns she's sitting on the couch eating dry cereal. He goes into the kitchen, and puts the fresh, 1/2 gallon of milk in her fridge. He approaches her, with a brown paper bag.

"You didn't get skim, did you? I'm not like Maura. I can't drink skim milk. It takes too watered down."

"I got two percent. I didn't know you were picky about what kind of milk you drink."

"I'm not. That's fine."

"Good." He watches her eat her cereal.

"What's in the bag?"

He looks down, at the bag in his hand.

"Oh, this is for you."

"What is it?" she inquires, reaching for the bag.

He doesn't answer her, he just hands her the bag. She puts her empty cereal bowl, on the coffee table, behind him. She opens the bag, and looks inside. She stares blankly at her partner.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes."

"What did they say to you, at the drug store, when you bought this?"

"Not a word."

"You can't really think that..."

"I think that it is better to be safe, than sorry."

"Frost I am not going to..."

"Jane, please. You don't have to do it for you. I need you to do it for me."

"For you?"

"You're my partner. I just want to make sure that you're ok."

"I am not ok."

"That you're not..."

"Ok," she nods, in agreement, as she heads for the bathroom.

He hears her close the bathroom door. Ten minutes later, he checks his watch. He makes his way out of the living room, towards the bathroom. He stops at the bathroom door, and knocks.

"Did you get lost in there?" he questions.

"No," she replies flatly.

"Why are you still in there?"

"I'm not ready to come out."

"Jane you have to come out."

"Or what?"

"I'll come in after you."

"Go ahead, see if I care. It's not as if I have any modesty left, she replies."

He twists the knob. He finds that the door is unlocked. He pushes it open. He takes a step into the room. To his left is a counter, sink, and medicine cabinet. To his right, is the bathtub. Directly in front of him, is his partner. She sits on the top lid of the toilet seat. She stares at him, numbly. She doesn't say a word. He approaches. She points to the counter.

He stops, and turns. He looks at the counter. He instantly sees what she's pointing at. He studies the object, on the counter. He returns his attention to his partner. She stares back at him, on the verge of tears. He doesn't know what to say to her. He simply takes a step towards her. He leans in, and hugs her.

She buries her head in his shoulder. She holds on tightly, as if she's holding on for dear life. He feels the tears soaking through his shirt. Finally after several seconds pass, he formulates something to say.

"Maybe it's wrong," he suggests.

"The likelihood of that is about the same as the likelihood of me becoming the Pope."

"You should find out for sure."

"I would rather live in denial."

"I know," he lets go of her. He hands her a tissue. She wipes her eyes. She takes a deep breath. She inhales his cologne.

"Move," she pushes him out of the way.

"What, why?"

"I'm going to be sick," she announces.

He steps back. He watches as she slides off the seat of the toilet, onto the floor. She lands on her knees. She pushes the lid out of her way. He grabs her hair, as she lurches forward. It's over quickly, and he helps her to her feet. She flushes, and moves towards the counter.

Twenty minutes later she's showered, and dressed. She finds her partner in her living room, waiting on her.

"Why are you still here?"

"I'm going to take you to work."

"Why?"

"So that I know you're safe."

"Fine," she relents, too tired to argue.

Ten minutes later, when they pull into a parking spot, she looks at him questioningly.

"Where are we?" she questions.

"We have some important business to take care of, here."

"What business, do we have, and an Ob/Gyn's office?"

"You have business."

"No. I don't."

"Yes you do. Come on."

He drags her into the doctor's office. A nurse escorts her back to an exam room, immediately. Frost waits in the waiting room. Twelve minutes later, Jane leaves the exam room. He follows her back to the car. He doesn't protest when she gets into the driver's seat.

The entire ride is silent. He finally breeches the silence, as she pulls into a spot, in front of the precinct.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"You crossed a line.""I had to."

"How did you get me in so quickly? Those appointments usually take months to get."

"I had a friend, who owed me a favor."

"A friend?"

"Doctor Carter."

"I see."

"So are we going to talk about this, or not?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You have to. Not with me, but with someone."

"Why? Why does it matter? This nightmare, is never going to end. We are never going to catch him. He is going to torture me, for the rest of my life."

"We're going to catch him, I promise you that."

"It's too late."

"No, it's not."

"You know what the worst part of it, is?"

"The whole situation?"

"He baited me, and I was stupid enough to fall for it. I fell into his trap, like helpless prey. I brought this on myself."

"No. You didn't. You didn't bring this on yourself."

"It certainly feels like I did."

"What can I do, to make this better?"

"You can't. You can't fix it. You can't do anything. I just... I want this to be over."

"I know."


	13. Inside Of Me

"I just feel like I can't win. I feel like no matter what I do, I can't get away from him. Frost, he's in my head."

"I know."

"He's been in my apartment. He's been..." she trails off, "inside of me," she says in disgust, "Now, he's in my head. I dream about him coming back. I hear a noise, in the middle of the night, and I think it's him. I see someone on the street outside my apartment, and I wonder if it's him. I live in fear. I am afraid to fall asleep in my own house. I can't do this anymore. I shouldn't be afraid. I don't want to be afraid, anymore. I just want things to go back to normal. I just want to be a cop. I want to do my job, and go home, and..."

"I know," he reassures her.

"And I can't. What am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know."

"Frost, I'm pregnant. I am pregnant with..." she stops, unable to finish the thought.

"You have to say it, to be able to deal with it."

"I am pregnant with my rapist's baby," the tears begin to trail down her face.

"I know," he says softly.

"I'm scared, and confused, and I don't know what to do. This is not me. I am not this person. I am not used to feeling like this."

"I know."

"I don't know what to do. Tell me, what do I do?"

"You keep fighting."

"I don't know if I can. I've fought like hell, just to..."

"Stay alive, I know," he finishes her thought, for her.

"Tell me what I should do."

"You should talk to Maura."

"I don't want her to know. I don't want anyone to know."

"Then, nobody needs to know."

"I don't know if I can do that, or not. I mean... I don't want to stay like this."

"I can go with you, if you want."

"I want you to find this bastard."

"Ok. I can do that. I still think that you should tell Maura."

"Why?"

"She'll give you better advice than I can. I'm not a woman."

"We should go in."

"Ok," he agrees.

She tiptoes into the morgue. Maura examines a piece of evidence, under her microscope. She looks up from her microscope, and sees Jane standing there. She pulls off her gloves, and moves towards Jane.

"What's wrong?" Maura asks.

"Why do you think that something is wrong?"

"The look on your face."

"It's that obvious?"

"Yeah. What's going on? Are you ok?"

"Physically, or emotionally?"

"Either, both," Maura responds.

"I don't know. I don't know what I am, anymore."

"What's going on?"

"He was in my apartment, last night."

"Jane, I'm sorry. You can stay with me, if you want to."

"He'll probably just follow."

"You're sure he was there?"

"Yeah. He left a note."

"What did it say?"

"And he put my pajamas off, and put them back on me, wrong side out, while I was sleeping."

"How?"

"Apparently he slipped me some sleeping pills."

"You're kidding, right?"

"No."

"I think you should stay with me."

"What if he comes there?"

"At least someone will hear him."

"No one will hear him. No one ever hears him. He goes unheard, and unseen. It's like he's a ghost. Besides, what if he decides to choose a new victim?"

"I'm not his type."

"No, he's fixated on me," Jane responds.

"Do we know why?"

"I obviously did something to piss him off."

"Like what?"

"I wish I knew. I wish that I knew who I was up against."

"You're coming to stay with me, tonight, and that's it."

"Maura... it doesn't matter where I am. He can still get to me."

"You don't know that."

"Maura, he's in my head. No matter where I go, I can't get rid of him."

"You can."

"No I can't," she argues. "Cause his in more than just my head," she says under her breath.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You said that he's in more than just your head. What does that mean?"

"Nothing, Maura. You weren't supposed to be able to hear that."

"Why not? What's going on?"

"Nothing," Jane lies.

"It's something. What did you mean?"

"It didn't mean anything."

"He's in more than just your head. Where else could he be? In your body? Jane that makes no sense."

Jane doesn't reply. She tries to keep from looking at Maura. Maura looks at her. She notices the pallor in her cheeks. Maura notices the look of fear in her eyes. From her facial expression, suddenly it clicks.

"No," Maura shakes her head.

Jane doesn't say a word.

"You're pregnant?" Maura guesses.

Jane swallow hard. She answers with a simple nod, unable to look Maura in the eye.


	14. Demon Spawn

She tiptoes into the bedroom. She stops, when she reaches the end of the bed. She listens as Jane breathes.

"I'm not asleep," Jane reveals.

"Do you want some company?"

"As long as you're awake," Jane answers.

Jane scoots over. Maura takes a seat on the bed.

"Jane, I..." she trails off, "I would like to make this better. I would like to offer some advice, to make you feel better, but I have none."

"Have you ever..." Jane stops.

"Have I ever what?"

"Thought that you were pregnant?" Jane begins with the easiest question.

"Yes."

"Have you ever been pregnant?" Jane continues, with a harder question.

A moment of silence passes before Maura responds. "Yes."

"You don't have any children," Jane points out.

"No. I do not."

"So..."

"It happened shortly after I graduated medical school. I didn't even know that I was pregnant. One night I woke up, and..." Maura chokes.

"So you miscarried," Jane concludes.

"Yes," Maura confirms.

"Would you ever consider having an abortion?"

"It would depend on the circumstances."

"Of course."

"Is there where you would like me to tell you what I would do, if I were you?"

"Yes," Jane nods.

"I would like to say that I wouldn't choose to not have it, because rationally, I know that it is not to blame. I would not want to be responsible for ending a life, because of my own insecurity, and uncertainty of what it might become. However, in reality, I don't know. I'd like to say that I would have it, and give it up for adoption, but..."

"But?"

"I don't know that I could really do that. I do not think that I could go through that. I think that it would be too painful, to put myself through that."

"What should I do?"

"Sleep on it," Maura suggests.

"I can't sleep."

"What can I do, to help?"

"Tell me that when I wake up in the morning, everything will be fine."

"When you wake up in the morning, everything will be fine. You will be at peace, and..."

"You make it sound like I am going to die in my sleep."

"Sorry."

"Goodnight, Maura."

"Night," she gets up, to leave.

"No, don't go."

"You want me to stay?"

"I just, I don't trust myself, to be alone. I keep thinking of all of these terrible things, that I could do, and..." she trails off, as the tears begin to slide down her cheeks.

"Whatever you do, I'll support you. That is what friends are for."

"Even if I throw myself down the stairs?"

Maura laughs.

"Are you laughing? That isn't funny."

"I'm sorry, I can just picture you trying to throw yourself down the stairs, and..."

"It probably wouldn't work, anyway."

"No, and that is not the way to do it."

"There is not going to be a right way. No matter what I decide, I can't win. I've already lost this game, and... I don't know if I am ever going to be the same."

"Why is it so important for you to be the same person you were, before? You can learn from this, grow, and be more, be better."

"Is there something wrong with me, now?" Jane inquires.

"No, but we all have room for improvement."

"Obviously I do, I attract sociopaths, on a semi-regular basis."

"What would you like me to do, about that?"

"There is nothing you can do. You might not want to get too close to me, though. It could be contagious."

"How can you joke, in a time like this?"

"Sometimes I have to laugh, to keep from crying," Jane admits.

"You should get some sleep."

"Sleep? How am I supposed to sleep?"

"You close your eyes, and go to sleep. It is simple."

"You have no idea," Jane argues.

"What do you mean."

"You don't see what I see, when I close my eyes."

"What do you see, when you close your eyes?" Maura probes.

"I keep getting this picture of my womb."

"What?"

"I know, it's ridiculous."

"And what exactly do you picture?"

"At first it looks like a baby, or whatever it is supposed to look like, at this point. Then, when it comes into focus, it has horns."

"Horns?"

"Like the devil," Jane reveals.

"Like the devil?"

"How am I supposed to go to sleep, when all I can think about is housing a demon spawn?"

"I..." Maura is unsure of what to say.

"It's ok. You don't have to respond to that. I know that it's wrong for me to feel that way, but... how the Hell, am I supposed to feel? Am I supposed to be happy? Pretend that everything is great, and that I can't wait to meet this precious little one? I'm not. I just want to stop having to think about it. All I can think about is Rosemary's Baby, when she gives birth to a demon spawn. I..."

"It will not come out with horns."

"What if there is some genetic mutation, that causes it to have horns, because..."

Maura cuts her off, "Don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about it? That is your advice?"

"Are you planning on having it?" Maura poses the question.

"No," Jane admits.

"Then don't worry about it."

"Why did this have to happen?"

"I don't know. I wish that I could answer that. I wish that I knew."

"What did I do, to deserve this?"

Maura rolls towards Jane. She props her head up, on her hand, with her elbow resting on the bed. She stares at Jane's silhouette. She shakes her head. Finally the words spill from her mouth, "Is that what you think?" Maura questions.

"I can't seem to come up with another reason."

"You don't deserve this. You have done nothing wrong. You have to stop blaming yourself, for things that you have no control over. Bad things happen at random, to people from all walks of life, all the time. You have no control."

"Control is the only way that I can keep from losing it."

"You can only control you."

"And what do you suggest I do?"

"Try to get some sleep," Maura answers, softly.


	15. Let It Burn

She begins to wake up. The first sensation that she feels is a burning. She sits up, in the bed. She looks around the room. She looks at the clock. 0424, it tells her. The lack of light reminds her that it is too early to get up. She sits up, trying to comprehend what is happening. She flips on the lamp, forgetting that Maura is on the other side of the bed, next to her. The light brings Maura to consciousness.

She blinks, trying to adjust her eyes to the light. She rubs her eyes, and looks at Jane. She looks past Jane, at the alarm clock.

"What is it?"

"I don't know," Jane admits.

"Why are you awake? It's too early to be awake, go back to sleep, please," Maura begs.

"Something's not right."

"Not right? What do you mean?"

"It burns."

"What burns?"

"My skin."

"Your skin? What are you talking about? Jane, are you actually awake?"

"Yes, I'm awake."

"Show me," Maura insists.

Jane pulls back the covers, that is when Maura notices. She avoids Jane's glance, trying to keep her facial expression hidden. Maura notices the blood. Jane soon notices it too.

"What is that?" she points to the blood.

"Hold still," Maura demands, as Jane fidgets.

"Am I..."

Maura shakes her head, understanding what Jane is asking her, "It's not enough blood. Hold still, and let me have a look, please."

"Ok," Jane agrees, moving her arm out of the way.

Maura notices the blood on the sheet. The blood on Jane's shirt. She carefully rolls up the bottom of Jane's shirt. Maura stares at Jane's skin, and says nothing. She avoids eye contact with Jane.

"What is it? Maura why does it feel like my skin is on fire?"

"Come on, come with me," Maura tells her.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

Maura rolls Jane's shirt back down, over her abdomen. "You're going to come with me, so that I can get you cleaned up."

"Why do I have blood all over me?"

"Just follow me," Maura responds, as she climbs out of the bed.

Maura grabs a pillow case, and hands it to Jane.

"What do you want me to do with that?" Jane quizzes.

"Hold it right there," Maura points.

Jane applies pressure, as Maura leads her into the bathroom. When they reach the bathroom, Maura leads Jane to the edge of the bathtub.

"Have a seat."

"Doc, tell me what's going on."

"It's nothing," Maura lies.

Jane lifts off the pillow case.

"Don't," Maura warns.

Jane furrows her brow, in confusion. Maura opens the cabinet. She pulls out a bottle of alcohol, and some gauze, and tape. She pulls on a pair of gloves.

"Roll up your shirt," Maura instructs.

Jane follows the directions.

"This is going to sting," Maura tells her.

Maura obstructs Jane's view. Maura carefully cleans the wound. She dries it off. She grabs a large bandage, and covers it up. She rolls Jane's shirt back down. She heads for the door.

"I'll be right back, I'm going to grab you a new shirt."

Jane nods. She sits on the edge of the bathtub, in confusion. Maura returns quickly, with a t-shirt. She hands it to Jane.

"Here, put this on," Maura commands.

Jane slips off her shirt, as Maura puts her supplies away. She slips on the new one. Maura turns around, and takes the pillow case, and the shirt from Jane. Jane stares at Maura, in shock, and confusion.

"Maura what is going on? Why am I bleeding? Why won't you let me see? What the Hell is happening?"

"It's nothing, come on."

"Where are we going?"

"We are going to go stay at a hotel."

"A hotel, why? And why are you looking for your phone?"

"I have to have it, before we leave."

"Who are you going to call?"

"No one," Maura lies.

"Maura..."

"Jane please just do what I am asking."

"No," Jane shakes her head.

"Jane, don't do this," Maura begs.

"Why did I wake up, with blood all over the place?"

"It wasn't that much blood."

"Enough to soak through my shirt, onto the sheet. Why?"

"I..."

"Maura, what is going on?"

"Jane please, just come on."

"Why won't you tell me what is happening."

"I don't want to scare you."

"Scare me? Why would I be scared?"

"I'll tell you when we get out of the house, just come on."

Jane stares at Maura in confusion, but reluctantly follows her to the car. The second that they pull out of the driveway Maura is on the phone.

"Korsak." the sheepish voice on the other end answers.

"Bavarian," Maura replies.

"Where? Are you safe?"

"Yes."

"Is she listening to us?"

"Yes."

"And he was at your place?"

"Yes," Maura confirms.

"You've left?"

"Yes."

"Take her somewhere safe, I'll take care of it."

"Ok, thanks. Goodbye," she hangs up.

Jane stares at her, "Who was that?"

"Nobody."

"Bavarian is not a word that comes up in casual conversation," Jane points out.

"It was a call about doughnuts," Maura lies.

"It was a code word."

"No, it wasn't," Maura denies.

Jane flips on the light. She unbuckles, and rolls up her shirt. She reaches for the band-aid, on her abdomen.

"Don't," Maura pleads.

Jane rips the band-aid off. She stares at the wound, in confusion. She looks at Maura, who focuses on the road. Jane's hand hovers over the wound.

"Don't touch it. You'll get it infected," Maura tells her.

Jane swallows hard, "Why is there an X, on me?" she questions.

"It doesn't matter."

"Tell me!" Jane demands, as she stares at the mark. It is just above where the waistband of her pajama pants ends.

"Jane, calm down."

"Why is it there?"

"Because that is where your uterus is," Maura replies, matter of factly.

"Where my uterus is? What are you talking about? Why is there an X, over my uterus? What did you do to me?"

The next words fall from Maura's mouth, without her thinking, "I didn't do anything to you."

Jane's heart skips a beat, and suddenly the events of the past several minutes make sense. Maura's lack of eye contact. Being rushed out of the house. A mysterious call, and a code word.


	16. X Marks the Spot

"Oh," is all Jane can manage to squeak out. She flips off the light, and puts her seat belt back on. She leans back, in her seat. She stares at the time, on the dash. The numbers remind her again, that it is too early to start her day.

Maura stares at her speedometer. She directs her attention to the mirror, quickly, doing a visual check. She looks out the window, at the road. In her periphery, she can see Jane, sitting in the seat next to her, frozen, in panic.

"Jane, are you ok?"

"Why is there an X on my uterus?" Jane repeats her earlier question.

"I am not sure. Any answer that I could offer would be pure speculation."

"Speculate, please."

"X marks the spot," Maura replies.

"This cannot be happening. Maura, how fast are you going?" Jane suddenly realizes that they're speeding past the few other cars on the road. She looks ahead, and notices a hotel. Maura speeds past it.

"I thought that we were going to a hotel."

"We are, but not the first one that we come to."

"Why not?"

"I..." Maura is unable to answer.

"Because that is what he would expect us to do?"

"Probably."

"He was in your house. He found me. What makes you think that he won't be able to find me, again?"

"We're not really going to a hotel."

"Where are we going?"

"To a safe house."

"What kind of a safe house?"

"You'll see."

"Maura he was there, inches away from us, and we both slept through it. How do you explain that?"

"We had some chamomile tea, we were both..."

"Damn it!"

"What?"

"You drink chamomile tea, every night, before bed."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not you're fault. It just means that he's been watching you, too."

"Great."

"Don't worry, he's not fixated on you. He's just fixated on me, and making my life a living Hell. I'd like to wake up from this nightmare, at some point, but I can't, because it's reality."

"Jane, calms down."

"How can you possibly expect me to calm down? So sociopath is fixated on me. He's drugged me, repeatedly. He has broken into my apartment, your house. He has undressed me, and redressed me. He has been inside of me. He's impregnated me. He's carved an X over my uterus, so I can have a physical scar, for the rest of my life. Every time I think that it can't get any worse, it does. So, don't tell me to calm down."

"I'm sorry. I just don't know what else to say," Maura admits.

Jane notices the look in Maura's eyes, as she tightly grips the steering wheel. Her body is tense, and her eyes are full of fear.

Jane leans back in her seat, she watches out the window. Maura turns the radio on. Jane watches the buildings speed by, until her eyelids win. She drifts off to sleep. _After about half an hour she's being nudged awake. She feels Maura elbowing her, and she opens her eyes. She looks around. The dome light, in the car is on. She notices that Maura's door is open._

_"Come on, we're here," Maura tells her._

_"This isn't right," she comments, looking around. A house, in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees, and acres, upon acres, of farm land. The only buildings aside from the house are a garage, and a barn. She shakes her head, feeling unusually groggy. She reaches in the backseat, for her back, and is met with surprise. A figure pops into view. _

She gasps for air. She hears someone talking to her.

"Jane, wake up!" a familiar voice tells her.

She sits straight up, and looks around. She realizes that she's lying on a couch, with a blanket over her. Maura sits a few feet away, in an arm chair. Barry Frost sits in a recliner, on the other side of the room, watching a big screen TV.

"Where are we?" Jane questions.

"An FBI safe house," Maura replies.

"FBI?"

"Agent Dean offered it to us," Frost reveals, "It's secure. There are two FBI agents outside, and a patrol car going by twice, every hour."

"Where are we?" Jane repeats.

"Downtown," Maura reveals.

"Downtown Boston?"

"Hartford," Maura answers.

"Why are we in Connecticut?" Jane inquires.

"We're trying to keep you safe," Frost answers.

"It doesn't matter what you do. You can't keep me safe."

"So what do you suggest, then?" Frost questions, in irritation, as he flips off the T.V. He approaches her.

"Let him have what he wants," Jane answers.

"He wants you," Frost reminds her.

"So let him have me."

"No," Frost shakes his head, "I'm not going to let him have you. I am done playing this game. I am putting an end to this."

"How the hell are you going to do that?" Jane wonders.

"Protect you."

"Protect me? You can't protect me. It's too late for that. There is nothing to protect me from, anymore. It cannot get any worse. There is nothing that could be done, that would make me feel any more..." she trails off. Her face is red, with rage.

"Jane, you should listen to your partner," Maura tells her, softly.

"I should have listened to him, to begin with. If I had I wouldn't be in this situation, now. This is all my fault. The two of you just need to let me take care of this. Let me deal with this.""You can't," Maura argues.

"Why not?"

Maura looks at Frost for a moment, and then back at Jane, "Because you are in no position to be able to..." Maura stops, abruptly.

"To what? Defend myself. I have a gun, and a badge, that is all I need."

"It wasn't enough before. It won't be enough now,"

"What do I have left to lose?" Jane quizzes.

Maura looks at her, she notices the dark circles under her eyes. Frost notices the look of apathy when he looks into her dark brown eyes. Maura swallows hard, "Your life," she manages to squeak out.

"What life? What kind of life am I living?"

"We aren't going to lose you," Frost clarifies, "You are irreplaceable. None of us would ever be able to recover from losing you."


	17. Safe House

She lies on the couch, wide awake, refusing to fall asleep. Maura sleeps in a bedroom, down the hall. Frost sits in front of the window, wide awake.

"Jane," he says without looking at her, "go to sleep."

"I can't."

"Jane it's ok, I'm here. No one is going to touch you."

"I've heard that before."

"I mean it."

"What if you fall asleep?"

"He can't find you here. You're safe."

"If I'm safe why do you feel the need to stay awake?"

"It's just a precaution."

"Meaning, you guys think that I am safe, but you can't really be certain."

"Jane go to sleep."

"I can't," she admits.

"Try."

"I..." she chokes up.

"I know that you're scared, Jane. I understand, but you have trust me."

"I do trust you, with my life."

"Then go to sleep."

"What if I go to sleep, and when I wake up..."

"What? When you wake up, what?"

"What if he's here, and he's killed you, and Maura, and..."

"Jane, just stop. Don't think like that."

"What did I do to him?"

"I don't know."

"What could I have possibly done to piss him off..."

"Nothing you did turned him into this monster."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do," he argues.

"Maybe I..."

"Jane, you didn't do anything, now close your eyes, and go to sleep," he begs.

Her eyes close and her mind wanders.

_October 1994-_

_She stands in front of a woman, who holds a gun to her child's head. She looks at her partner, and he shakes his head._

_"I don't have a shot," he tells her._

_She checks the angle, again. She looks at her partner, once more._

_"Jane, if you have a shot, take it," he tells her._

_She nods. She points her gun, and fires. The bullet flies through the air, into the woman's skull. She, and the gun drop to the ground. The nine year old lowers himself to the ground, and pulls his knees to his chest. _

_When the Medical investigator arrives Jane's partner begins to talk. He smiles at her._

_"You did a good job."_

_Jane doesn't reply._

_"Jane, she killed eleven men, including her own son's father. You did the right thing."_

_"I shot her in front of her son."_

_"You didn't have a choice," he reassures her._

She sits up, as straight as a board, and as pale as a ghost. She flips on the light, sitting on the end table, next to the couch. Frost's eyes blink. He looks at her, as she gasps for air.

"Jane, what is it?"

"I think I know who it is."

"You know who it is? How?"

"When I was a rookie I shot a woman."

"It happens."

"Frost, listen."

"Ok," he agrees.

"I shot a woman, who was a murder. We thought she had killed eleven men, it turns out that the figure was closer to forty."

"I don't understand."

"I shot her, because she was holding a gun to her son's head."

"Oh."

"Her son was nine years old."

"Do you remember the names?"

"Laura Martin. The son was... Ryan Knoll."

"He was nine then, so he would be... twenty six, now."

"Yeah."

He grabs the laptop, and begins his search. After a few minutes, he looks up at Jane, with a grim look on his face.

"What?"

"Jane, this is not good."

"What?"

"Ryan Knoll, is a former Navy Seal. He was dishonorably discharged five years ago, for..."

"For what?"

"Misconduct."

"What kind of misconduct?" Jane wonders.

"It doesn't say," he admits, "Wait a minute."

"What?"

"I think that I've found the first victim."

"What?"

"I checked other Navy personnel that was discharged, near the same time."

"Uh huh, and?"

"And there is a woman by the name of Kelly Hart who was honorably discharged three days earlier."

"If he was discharged for misconduct..." Jane begins.

"It means that they couldn't cover it up, because they knew that he did it. They knew that he was a threat to society, but instead of dealing with it, they just made their problems go away."

"You've got to talk to her."

"It can wait until morning," he tells her.

"Frost..."

"I'll talk to her, but I'm not going to wake her up, in the middle of the night."

"Ok," she agrees.

He continues to type. She watches as he scrutinizes the computer screen.

"What? What is it?"

"Kelly Hart gave birth to a son eight months after she was discharged."

"That is why they discharged him. They couldn't say that it didn't happen, if she was pregnant, with his child."

"Exactly."


	18. Best Laid Plans

The plan to catch the sadistic bastard, goes anything, but according to plan. Jane wakes up after only a couple hours of sleep. Frost, and Maura huddle around the coffee pot, waiting for the coffee to brew. Jane stretches, and rolls off the couch. She stands up, and makes her way into the kitchen.

"Coffee?" Frost questions, without a second thought.

"No, thank you," she declines.

"You sure?" Frost wonders.

"Yes," she nods, getting a whiff of the coffee, as it percolates. She claps her hand over her mouth, and races out of the room.

A few minutes later Maura goes after her. She finds the bathroom door closed. She gently knocks on the heavy wood door.

"It's not locked," Jane answers.

"Can I come in?" Maura wonders.

Jane doesn't respond. Maura turns the knob, and pushes the door open. She steps inside. She finds Jane sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Maura closes the toilet lid, and takes a seat on it.

"Are you ok?"

"Maura, what kind of question is that? I feel sick all of the time. I am sick most of the day. I just want this to be over. I am... not ok."

"Talk to me."

"About what? What is there to say? I'm miserable. I want to runaway, and never come back, but even that will not solve my problem."

"Can I get you anything? A cup of coffee, some breakfast?"

"No," Jane shakes her head.

"You might feel better, if you eat something."

"I might not, too."

"Coffee?"

"It makes me sick."

"The smell? Or the thought of it?"

"What?"

"The thought of why you shouldn't drink coffee?" Maura clarifies.

"Why am I doing this to myself?"

"What do you mean?"

"I can have coffee, if I want to."

"You are an adult, you can make that choice."

"You don't think that I should?"

"Does it matter what I think?"

"Yes. I need some guidance."

"I don't think that I am the best person to be giving you advice, in this situation."

"Please, Maura."

"If you want a cup of coffee, you should have one."

"But..."

"Jane, why are you doing this to yourself? You are making this harder, on yourself. Don't worry about drinking coffee."

"I drink more than two cups a day."

"Does it really matter?"

"I get cranky if I don't."

"Jane, are you really considering changing your whole life, for this?"

Jane shrugs, "I don't know, anymore."

"If you tell me what's really going on, in your head, then I might be able to help you."

"What if this is my only chance?"

"What?"

"What if this is my one, and only chance to ever be a parent?"

"It's not."

"You don't know that," Jane argues.

"You don't want to be a parent. You don't want to have to choose between your job, and anything else."

"I know that."

"But?"

"This has thrown me through a loop. What if I did? What if I could?"

"Then maybe, one day, when you're ready, you will."

"But not now?"

"I know that you hate when I talk in scientific evidence, and quote statistics to you but..."

Jane cuts her off, "Just say what you have to say."

"The bottom line is this, you will never get over this. This is not a good idea. You doing the right thing, does not mean that this situation is going to turn out happily. You understand that, don't you."

"Wow, you almost sound like a human."

"Jane. I am your best friend. We may not always agree."

"That's for sure."

"But I am always going to tell you the truth."

"I know," Jane admits.

"Even if it hurts," Maura adds.

"I don't think that anything you can say is going to hurt me, right now."

"Are you sure?"

"Just tell me, what you want me to hear."

"Jane you having this baby, is not a good idea. I know that there is no right choice, there isn't a choice that you are going to feel good about. Raising a child that is a product of rape, isn't going to solve anything. It will create more harm than good. You are one of the strongest people that I know. I just don't think that you really understand what it would be like. It is a very complex psychological situation."

"You don't think that I can handle it?"

"I don't think that you should," Maura replies concisely.

"I'm scared," she admits.

"That's ok."

"Maura... how do I know what the right thing to do is?"

"You can only do what's right for you."

"I don't know what that is."

There is a knock on the bathroom door.

"Come in," Maura replies. The door opens, and Frost steps in. Maura gives him a nod, and she leaves the room. He takes her vacated spot. He stares at his partner.

"Don't do this to yourself," he begs her.

"Frost you don't understand."

"No, I don't," he admits.

"I have never wanted to be anyone's parent."

"But?"

"There is something inside of me, and... it is making me question everything I have ever believed."

"Jane can you really live with staring your tormenter in the eyes, for the rest of your life? Every morning you have to get up, and love a child, who reminds you of the worst, most traumatic night of your entire life? You are an incredibly compassionate, caring, person, but even you can't do that."

"I am the one who has to make the decision."

"You are the only one who can."

She starts to cry. He moves over to her, and gives her a hug. "I don't want to," she tells him in the smallest voice that he's ever heard come out of her.


	19. Unraveling

Sometimes we are faced with choices, that we don't want to make. Sometimes, we are given opportunities, to change the course of our lives. Sometimes, the decisions get made for us, but that doesn't make them any easier, or any less life changing.

"Why is this so hard for you? Because you're catholic?" he questions.

"No."

"Then why is it so hard for you to make this choice?"

"It would be hard, not matter what."

"But there is something else."

"I keep asking myself, what would I do, if I were in a different situation? What if this were someone else's baby? What would I do then?"

"Would that change your decision? You have always said that you don't want kids. You don't want to sacrifice your career."

"And that is selfish."

"But, it, is your choice," he reminds her.

"What if this weren't his baby?"

"Would it really make a difference?"

"I... don't know."

"Would you want to do this, if it wasn't his baby. Let's pretend, just for a second, that you had a fling, with someone. One night, that didn't really mean much to you, because it was only about the sex. Would that change your mind?"

"I just wish I could see into the future."

"Why?"

"So I would know whether or not I am making the right choice."

"Jane...I know you feel like this changes everything."

"Because it does. You know that."

"I'm not going anywhere," he tells her.

"I know that."

"I should have been there, that night."

"Don't blame yourself, for this."

"Jane, how can I not? I woke up next to you, everyday, for three months, before that happened. Now, everything is changed. All the progress we made; all of the changes we made, weren't enough, because we're back at square one."

"I know."

"I just wish I could take that night back. I wish that we would have done things differently."

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"Because, if I hadn't insisted, that we keep things a secret, then none of this would have happened. You would have been there. This wouldn't have happened. Damn my pride. What is the worst that could happen if everyone knew that we were together? One of us would get transferred."

He stops her, "Jane. I would have transferred," he reveals, "You were there first. It's your home. I would have gone. I would have done that for you, if that's what it took."

"Don't tell me that."

"Why not?"

"Because it makes everything worse. It makes me an ass. I brought this on myself."

"No," he argues, "You didn't."

"It feels like I did."

"Jane, you should know..."

She cuts him off, "Don't say it," she begs.

"I love you. I will love you, no matter what decision you make."

"You just can't be with me, because I screwed everything up."

"I didn't say that."

"You walked away, already."

"I didn't," he disagrees.

"You have."

"I thought that you needed some space, and time, to deal with everything."

"I needed you."

"I'm sorry. I guess I just figured that you wouldn't want me around."

"Why would you figure that?"

"Because, it's my fault."

"No, it's not. It's my fault."

"It doesn't matter whose fault it is."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry."

"How long do we have to stay here?"

"I don't know."

"Barry," she touches his arm.

"Yeah?"

"I want to get this over with. I want to put all of this behind us, and just get back to before."

"I don't know if that's possible."

"Can we try."

"Of course," he nods.

"Are you sure."

Finally they are given the clear to leave the safe house, even though the suspect has not yet been apprehended. By this point it's nearly evening. Maura heads into the precinct, to do some work. Frost takes Jane, in his car.

They park, outside a clinic. He looks at her, before taking the key out of the ignition. She avoids his glance, but knows that he's looking at her.

"Do you want me to come in with you?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"I can do this, by myself."

"Ok," he agrees.

Half an hour later she finds herself on an exam table, in a paper dress. She exhales, as the doctor enters the room. He takes a seat on the stool.

"Before we start the procedure, we always perform an ultrasound. It's a measure we take, in order to know what to expect."

"Ok," she nods nervously.

They briefly discuss some details, like day of last menstrual period, and approximate gestation. Jane does her best not to break down, and begin sobbing, uncontrollably. She stares at her toes, as he begins the exam. She notices the deep purple polish is beginning to wear, as he studies the screen.

"You said that you think you're somewhere around six weeks?" he quizzes.

"Yes," she answers.

"I see."

"What do you mean, you see?"

"The development is more consistent with nine weeks."

"Excuse me?"

"You're not six weeks along. You're nine."

"You're kidding me, right?"

"No. I would estimate between eight weeks and six days, to nine weeks and two days."

"Oh," her heart sinks.


	20. Game Changer

He looks up, from the newspaper, and finds her headed towards the car. He looks at the clock, and watches as she hurries towards the car. He unlocks the door, and she gets inside. She closes the door behind her.

"You weren't in there very long, less than an hour," he points out.

"I spent most of the time waiting to see the doctor."

"I thought that it would take a lot longer."

"Can we go?" she begs.

"What's going on? You're acting weird."

"How do you expect me to act?"

"Groggy, cranky, depressed."

"Let's go," she begs.

He tosses the newspaper into the backseat, and turns the car on. He puts the car into reverse, as she buckles her seatbelt.

"Jane, are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure that you're fine?"

"I will be, as long as you stop asking me if I'm fine," she answers.

He pulls out of the parking lot. They spend the next five minutes in complete silence. Frost stops at a red light. He looks over at her, as she bites her nails.

"You didn't do it, did you?"

She doesn't answer.

"Jane?"

"I have an appointment, with my doctor, in the morning."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I'm not ready to answer your question," she admits.

"Ok," he agrees.

He drops her off, at home. He refuses to leave. She passes out on the couch. He sits in the chair, refusing to go to sleep. Eventually he gives into sleep. When he wakes up, the TV is off. Jane is no longer on the couch, and it's day light out, once again. He begins to panic. He heads into the kitchen, first. He finds a note on the counter.

_Went to see my Dr. Be back soon._

_Jane._

He double checks the note, to confirm that it's her handwriting. When he is satisfied that it is, he returns to his seat, and flips on the TV. Before he can settle on a channel, his cell phone rings. Assuming that it's Jane, he answers after only one ring.

"Hello," he answers.

"Frost, it's me."

"Vince? What do you want."

"Something has been bugging me."

"Ok, what?"

"When we processed Jane's apartment, we found very little evidence."

"So?"

"There was hardly any hair, or fibers, or anything, other than blood."

"He's careful."

"There was very little DNA, from even her. Aside from the blood, there was almost nothing."

"What's your point?"

"It's like she cleaned, before we got there."

"You know how I found her."

"Before he got there," Vince clarifies.

"You know that she vacuums, when she's anxious."

"There was a dryer sheet in the trashcan, in her bathroom."

"So? She is allowed to do laundry."

"She had a pile of dirty clothes in her hamper."

"Ok, so? What? You think that she's in on it?"

"No, but I think that she had something to hide."

"Like, what?"

"She had clean linen. She had a clean floor. She had just dusted. The only fingerprints on anything, were hers."

"She does live there, alone."

"I found something. I didn't want to say anything, because I didn't log it, but..." he trails off.

"But what?"

"I think that she was seeing someone."

"It is a free country, she can do what she's wants. What are you getting at?"

"What if she was dating the perp?"

"I do not think that she was dating the perp."

"Neither do I," he admits.

"So why did you ask?"

"I wanted to know what you'd say."

"Why?"

"I found your tie clip."

"What's your point? I must have lost it, when I went in, and found her."

"No, you still had it on."

"I don't know what you're trying to say. I've been in Jane's apartment a million times."

"I found the tie clip between the mattress, and the headboard."

Frost swallows hard, but tries to remain cool, "Oh."

"How long?"

"Listen, Korsak."

"Frost, I'm not going to tell anyone. It doesn't make any difference, to the case. I am asking you, as a friend, off the record."

"Oh."

"How long were the two of you sleeping together?"

"It wasn't like that."

"Then what was it like?"

"I..."

"Barry, just tell me. Be honest."

"Jane, and I... we had been together for a while."

"Together? As what? Friends, with benefits?"

"No."

"More, than that?"

"Yes."

"How long is a while? A few weeks?"

"Four."

"A month?"

"No. Four months."

"Four months. Are you kidding me?"

"No."

"And neither of you bothered to tell me."

"We didn't want anyone to know."


	21. Time

Jane walks in the door, as Frost is on the phone with Korsak. He looks at her, and then at the phone.

"I've got to go," he hangs up.

Jane closes the door behind her. She moves towards him, with a serious look on her face.

"So, how did it go?"

"As well as could be expected, I guess."

"Did you find out anything useful?"

"It is not good to have x-rays, while you're pregnant. It is also potentially harmful to drink, while you're pregnant."

"Yes, everyone knows that."

"I was lectured on how dangerous it is."

"You didn't know."

"No, but now, on top of everything else, I feel a hell of a lot guiltier."

"Because?"

"I didn't do it."

"I know. Now, are you going to tell me why?"

"I..."

"Tell me how your appointment went," he begs.

_The doctor stares at the screen. She uses tools on the screen to measure. Jane is unable to maintain her stoic vale. She sneaks a peek at the screen. The doctor looks at her._

_"I put gestation at nine weeks."_

_"How sure are you?"_

_"Plus or minus three days," she reveals._

_"Oh, ok."_

_"You didn't know?"_

_"No. I just found out, a few days ago," Jane admits._

_"Have you been exposed to any teratogens?"_

_"Any what?"_

_"Drugs, alcohol, radiation?"_

_"Oh," Jane's hearts sinks._

_"Have you?"_

_"Yes."_

_"What?"_

_"I had an x-ray, and..." she trails off, trying to keep herself from crying, "I drank."_

_"There are some potentially serious effects from that. That, along with your age, make you a high risk pregnancy."_

He looks at her, unsure what to say. She looks at him, trying to gauge his reaction. It hits her, that he doesn't understand what she's telling him.

"Do you know what this means?"

"What, what means?"

"I was pregnant, when I was in the hospital," she clarifies.

"I know."

"Frost, I hadn't just gotten pregnant. I was already pregnant."

"What are you saying?"

"I..."

"You're not going to have the abortion?"

"No," she answers.

For the first time, in quite a while, he sees light in her eyes, "No?"

"No," her lips crawl into a smile.

"What did she say about the x on your stomach?"

"I told her it was an old scar, that I got on the job."

"Did she believe you?"

"No, but she didn't push."

"You're going to have the baby?"

"Yes," she nods.

"Are you sure."

"Yes."

"Ok."

"You still don't understand, do you?"

"Understand what?"

"I am three weeks farther along, than I thought."

"What?"

"Do you know what that means?"

"No," he shakes his head.

"It means that it is not his."

"Right," he nods.

"It's..."

She sees the wheels in his head start to turn. His eyes meet her, and he smiles at her.

"Mine?"

"Yours," she smiles.

"Jane, are you sure?"

"Yes," Jane nods, in confirmation.

"Oh."

"It changes everything."

"Does it?" he questions.

"What do you mean?" she raises an eyebrow.

"Do you really want a baby right now? Or ever?"

"I..."

"Jane, do you have any idea what this is going to do to your career? You can't work all the time, if you have a baby."

"You don't want a baby," she realizes that.

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to. Maybe you should just go."

"Jane, no. You're going to listen."

"Fine," she takes a seat, on the couch.

"Is this what you really want?"

"Yes."

"This baby may..."

"And if there is something wrong with the baby, then it's my fault."

"I didn't say that, either."

"But it would be. And, I wouldn't ask you to stay. I am not asking you to stay, now. I am just letting you know. I'm pregnant. It's yours, and I'm keeping it."

"You're one hundred percent sure?"

"Yes," she answers.

"I'm going to need some time, to think."

"Ok. I understand," she responds, calmly.


	22. Gut Feeling

He watches her, from across the room. She should be happy, and smiling. The look in her eyes tells him something different. Her dark eyes are cold, and she looks distant. He smiles at her. The pained look on her face, clears the smile from his face. He takes a seat next to her.

"You lied to me, didn't you?"

"What?"

"You want it to be mine, but it's not, is it?"

"What? I wouldn't lie to you."

"Then what's going on?"

"I want it to be yours."

"But..."

"I don't think that it is."

"What do you mean?"

"I think that the doctor was wrong."

"Jane, don't borrow trouble. Let's just be happy, ok?"

"I am going to get a second opinion."

"Why?"

"Because my gut tells me that no matter how much I want to be wrong, or how much I wish that it's yours, it's not."

"Ok. Do you want me to go with you?"

"No. I need to do it, on my own."

"Ok," he nods.

The doctor doesn't give her any new information. She remains in the safe house for the next several days. She wakes up, in the middle of the night. She hears breathing, near her. She opens her eyes, and finds Frost sitting at the end of the bed, watching her.

"Why are you watching me sleep?"

"You weren't sleeping," he points out.

"Why are you watching me."

"I just want to protect you."

"I just want to go home."

"Ok," he nods.

"Ok, just like that? I can go home?"

"We got him."

"When?"

"About an hour ago."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," he nods.

"Where? How?"

"He took the bait."

"What bait? What are you talking about?"

"Everyone else left, earlier."

"I know."

"It was a trap, to draw him out."

"Here? He followed us here?"

"Yes. Korsak was able to find his hiding spot. When he started towards the house, they grabbed him."

"You're sure that it's him?"

"Yes. He was wearing his dog tags."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Jane we fingerprinted him, and we confirmed with DNA, against the military database. It's him."

"Ok."

"Let's go home."

"Barry?"

"I want to go home, but..."

"You don't feel safe in your home, anymore?"

She shakes her head.

"I know just the place."

"I don't want to stay with you. Your place is probably like a frat house."

"My place is nicer than yours, not that you've ever been there."

"I..."

"Just trust me."

"Ok," she nods.

She finds herself, back at Maura's. Frost leads her through Maura's house, out into the yard. He stops at the guest house, and leads her in. She expects her mother to be sound asleep, but she's not. She waits for Jane. She smiles, and motions for her.

"Come on," she says softly.

Jane crawls in bed. Angela crawls in bed next to her. Frost leaves them, alone.

"Ma..."

"Shh! It's ok, baby. I don't need to know. You're here now, and you're safe. That's all that matters. Get some sleep."

The next weeks fly by, but Jane finds herself still unable to return home. She chooses to stay with Frost. She chooses to keep her pregnancy a secret, from everyone else, for the time being. She was sure that most people knew. how could they not. But, her mother was the one that she wasn't quite ready to tell.

She's sitting at her desk, when the phone rings. She picks up the receiver, and puts it to her ear.

"Rizzoli," she exhales.

"It's me, you should come down here."

"I'll be down in just a minute."

"Bring Frost."

"Did you find something to break this case?"

"Just bring Frost," Maura hangs up.

She grabs her partner, and they make their way onto the elevator. When they reach the basement, they seek out Maura. They find her in her office. She greets them at the door. She closes it behind them. She walks past them, and takes a seat, behind her desk. She avoids eye contact.

"Have a seat," she suggests, pointing to the chairs across the desk from her.

They reluctantly have a seat. Frost looks at Jane, and then to Maura.

"What's this about? Clearly it's not about the case."

"The amnio?" Jane questions Maura.

Maura nods.

"The amnio? What are you talking about?" Frost questions.

"I'm eighteen weeks," Jane tells him.

"I know."

"I had an amniocentesis, to make sure that everything is alright."

"Ok," he nods.


	23. Wrong Answer

"What does this have to do with Maura?" Frost questions.

"I had Maura double check the results of the amniocentesis, and I had her run DNA."

"Oh. Is something wrong?" Frost asks Jane.

Jane looks to Maura. She solemnly shakes her head, "No. There are no chromosomal defects, or abnormalities. The baby looks fine, genetically speaking."

"Then why did you call both of us into your office?" Frost inquires, "And why do you look so glum?"

"Maura?" Jane raises an eyebrow.

"Would you like to know the gender? I can tell you that." Maura offers.

"No," Jane answers quickly.

"Maura, what's going on?" Frost wonders.

"I got the results of the DNA test back."

"And it's mine. I don't see why we're doing this. She's eighteen weeks gestation."

"I don't really know how to say this, or explain it, but..." Maura pauses.

"Say what?" Barry's tone rises.

"You're not the father," Maura informs him.

"What?!" he turns to Jane, "What does she mean, I'm not the father? Was there..."

Maura cuts him off, "Don't," Maura warns, "She didn't cheat on you."

"So the time frame isn't accurate?" He wonders.

"It is."

"But?"

"Ryan Knoll is the biological father, I'm so sorry."

Jane can't look at either of them. Frost looks at Maura.

"That night, when I found her... he had already been there, before?"

"I don't know that. I am not comfortable making that assumption, but..."

Frost interrupts her, "That seems like the most logical conclusion?"

Maura simply nods.

Jane says nothing, she pushes the chair out, and walks away. As she reaches for the door handle Frost calls out to her.

"Where are you going?"

She doesn't answer, she just keeps walking. He swallows hard, and takes a moment to gather his thoughts. He returns to the squad room. Much to his dismay, she's not there. He goes to the cafeteria, but she's not there, either. He tries her phone, but it goes straight to voicemail.

Hours later, he gets a call, from the bartender, at The Dirty Robber. He heads over to the bar. When he arrives he finds her sitting at the bar, with a beer in front of her. He takes a seat, next to her. He looks at the bartender and nods.

"What are you doing here?"

"Trying to drown my sorrows."

"How is that working for you?"

"It's not."

"Where did you go? I've been trying to call you, for hours."

"I took some PTO, and I left."

"Where did you go?"

"To end this nightmare."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want to do this," the tears trickle down her face.

"You went to take care of things," he realizes.

She nods, not looking at him. "Ok," he nods.

"No," she shakes her head, "It's not ok."

"So now, that it's over, you're here, drinking?" he tries to get up to speed.

"That beer has been here as long as she has," the bartender tells him, as he places a cold one in front of him.

"You haven't drank any of it?" he tries to understand.

"No. I can't."

"Why not? Are you afraid that it's a slippery slope?"

"Because I can't be a monster."

"Jane? What are you talking about?"

"I don't want this. I didn't want to do it. I knew, and I couldn't explain it. I prayed that I was wrong, but..."

"You weren't."

"And now it's too late."

"Jane, it's not too late."

"You don't understand. I tried to do it."

"You told me."

"I couldn't do it. I want to, but I can't."

Frost pulls out some cash, and places it on the bar.

"Thank you," he tells the bartender, and leads Jane out of the bar. She gets into the car. He locks the doors, but doesn't turn on the engine. He just looks at her.

"You don't want this baby, and there is no reason for both of you to be miserable."

"I can't do it."

"You can do anything you want. Jane you have the right to do whatever you want..."

"No," she shakes her head, "you don't understand."

"Then make me understand."

"It's like having a parasite."

"I wouldn't understand that."

"But it's bigger than that, because it moves."

"Yeah."

"And I can feel it."

"Oh."

"Now what am I going to go? I can't keep it, but I can't do _that_, either."

"Then give it up for adoption, no one has to know."

"I'll know."

"And you'll hate yourself, if you don't."

"Can you just end this nightmare, please?"

"No. I can't."

"Please," she begs him.

"Jane, I want to fix this, but you know that I can't."

"What am I going to tell my mother?"

"Don't tell her anything."

"Look at me, she probably already suspects."

"Look at you? Jane I am with you ever single day, and if I didn't already know, I couldn't tell."

"Except I still puke about fifteen times a day."

"It's only like eight, now," he tries to make light of the situation.

"I look pregnant."

"No, you don't," he argues.

"But you don't have my mother's spidey sense."

"If you don't want her to know, then take a leave of absence. Tell her that you're taking a temporary position somewhere else."

"Running won't make it go away."

"Then tell her."


	24. Runaway

He gives her some time, and space. The next morning, before work, he stops at her apartment, to bring her some doughnuts. She doesn't answer the door. She doesn't answer his phone call, either. He decides to head to work, assuming that she's already there. When he arrives, she's not at her desk. She's not in the morgue, either. He puts the doughnuts and coffee on his desk, and marches into the lieutenant's office. He knocks on the door. The lieutenant motions for him to come in.

"Can I help you detective Frost?"

"Have you seen Jane this morning?"

"I have."

"Do you know where she is?"

"I am not entirely sure."

"She won't answer her phone, and it's concerning me."

"She left."

"The precinct? On a case?"

"She left town."

"What?!"

"She took a leave of absence for personal reasons."

"Where did she go? How long will she be gone?"

"That is a question you should ask her."

"How long will she be gone? Do you have any idea?"

"At least six months."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes," he nods, "I don't like it, either, but it's her choice."

"Will she be back?"

"Hopefully."

"You don't know?"

"I don't know that she's made up her mind."

"I need to know where she went."

"You will have to ask her that."

"You don't understand..."

"Frost, she's safe, she just needs some time. She's had a rough year. I can't say that I blame her."

"Where is she going? An extended vacation?"

"A temporary position."

"Somewhere in Boston?"

"No. I can't tell you anything else."

Frost leaves the office, with his tail between his legs. He returns to his desk, and has a seat. He finds an envelope on his desk, with his name on it. He opens it, and begins to read.

_Barry,_

_I'm sorry. I just can't do this, anymore._

_Jane._

* * *

><p>He stuffs the letter into the pocket of his jacket, and heads to the elevator. He rides it to the basement. He makes a beeline for autopsy. He pushes through the door, and finds the room empty. He had better luck, in Maura's office. He knocks on the door. Maura looks up, from her desk.<p>

"Come in," she tells him.

He enters the room, and closes the door, behind himself. He marches over to her desk, with his arms folded, across his chest.

"You look angry," Maura notes.

"I am."

"What's going on?"

"Jane left."

"Left? She probably just went to get doughnuts, or something."

"No," he shakes his head, "Maura, she left town."

"No, she didn't."

"She took a leave of absence."

"For how long?"

"I don't know."

"Where did she go?"

"The lieutenant wouldn't tell me."

"Did she tell you?"

"No."

"I can't believe that she would leave, without telling us."

"Where could she have gone?"

"We should ask Angela."

Within a minute and a half, they find themselves in the cafeteria. Angela is standing behind the counter, when they arrive.

"Coffee?" she questions.

"No," Frost shakes his head.

"You look distressed," Angela answers.

"Do you know where Jane is? I am her mother, not her keeper. You are her partner," she answers.

"She didn't tell you where she was going?" Frost inquires.

"Jane rarely tells me anything. Why?"

"She won't answer my phone calls," Frost admits.

"Maybe her phone died," Angela suggests.

"Your phone doesn't just die, coincidentally, after you decide to take a leave of absence, and leave town, without telling anyone," Frost responds.

"What?!"

"She didn't tell you?" Maura wonders.

"No. Why would she leave town? Why would she take a leave of absence? What is going on?"

"We don't know, that's what we're trying to figure out," Maura admits.

Angela reaches into her purse, and pulls something out. She hands it to Barry.

"Maybe this will help you figure it out," she suggests.

Frost holds up the key, "A key?"

"It's to Jane's apartment. You're a detective, detect," Angela responds.

He nods. Maura follows him out of the cafeteria. He looks back at her.

"Where are you going?" he quizzes, as they head for security.

"I am going with you."

"I should do this, alone."

"I am not going to let you go alone."

"I can't believe that she would just leave, without telling any of us."

"Can you blame her?" Maura answers.

"No, but I wish that she could confide in me."

"I know, but sometimes no matter how badly you want to share something with someone, you just can't."

The ride to Jane's apartment is silent. When they arrive, Frost parks illegally, and they run into her apartment building. Frost unlocks the door, and pushes it open. They stare at the empty apartment, in shock. The apartment is completely empty, save for a few items on the counter. They step into the kitchen. Jane's cell phone lays on the counter. Under the phone are envelopes, addressed to Maura, and Angela.

"Something isn't right here," Frost looks around the room, "Jane wouldn't leave like this, without telling any of us."


	25. Another Time, Another Place

Her bare feet rest on the maple flooring of an old farm house. She sits at the kitchen table sorting through bills. The rain dances against the tin roof as she makes out checks. The house is surrounded by woods on three sides. The old farm house is on six acres of ground off a gravel road. It's located twelve minutes from the police station. She listens to the sound of the rain, and a ticking clock as she seals envelopes. A black lab puppy suddenly joins her in the kitchen. The young dog places its paws on her lap. The pup with a green color stares up at her with dark eyes.

"What's wrong Oakley?" She questions the dog who is named after the street she was found on months earlier. The dog dives under the kitchen table.

"There is not thunder," Jane insists.

The dog lies on top of her feet.

"Oakley, come out of there," she begs. The thunder claps, and the dog shakes.

"Oakley, please," Jane tries to coax her out. The seven month old pup refuses to budge. Jane scoots her chair away from the table. She rises from her seat, and heads towards the kitchen sink. She turns on the tap, and fills a glass with water. As she drinks she looks out the window above her sink into the backyard. When she's finished with the glass she sits it on the counter.

Her glance shifts, and she finds herself looking downward. Her toes are painted a bright pink, mostly due to Oakley's complete fascination with the color. The bottom of her blue, flannel pajama bottoms touches the back of her heel. She exhales, and her eyes fall to the white wife beater she's wearing. She watches her stomach as it rises, and falls with each breath she takes. Even through the material of her shirt she can make out the outline of a butt. The dog yips, and shifts her focus.

She moves back towards the table. She peaks underneath at the scared puppy.

"Oakley, come on," she offers a dog bone.

The puppy responds with a yip.

"What if I get cheese?"

Oakley's tail wags, but she doesn't budge. Jane heads for the light switch.

"Oakley I'm going to bed. If you don't come you'll be down her by yourself, all night."

Before she can reach the light switch she sees a flash of lightening out of the corner of her eye. In the distance she hears a tree branch crack. The room turns black, and she doesn't think twice about it. She heads from the kitchen into the hallway. She grabs her maglite off the stand on the table near the door. She flips it on, and feels something breathing on her. She turns, and finds Oakley at her feet. She climbs the stairs towards her bedroom. The puppy clumsily follows her.

When she reaches her bed she pulls back the covers, and climbs inside. She sits the maglite on the bedside table, and pulls her phone out of the pocket of her pajama bottoms. She places in on the bedside table, and checks the charge. It tells her that it is 95% charged. Satisfied with that number she ensures that her alarm is set, and she turns off the flash light. She hears a thud, and a warm, wet nose finds its way to her. Oakley worms her way under the covers, and presses her nose against Jane's shoulder. Jane lies on her side, and tries to go to sleep.

Even though she's been here for months she still finds it hard to sleep sometimes. Some nights there is too much on her mind. Other nights she finds that she misses the noise of the city. She closes her eyes, and listens to the sound of the storm outside. It should lull her to sleep, but it only heightens her senses. She finds her heart aching for the ones she left behind. She yearns for her mother's lasagna, and a best friend to talk to. The past months, since she's moved have been incredibly difficult. She rolls away from the dog, and towards the bedside table. She stares at the doorway, in silence for several moments. The house settles, and the storm rages. The clock on the wall ticks with each passing second. Jane reaches for her phone. Without a second thought it's unlocked, and she's making a phone call. It only rings twice.

"Dr. Isles," a sheepish voice answers.

Jane says nothing.

"Hello?" She yawns.

"I didn't mean to wake you. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called."

"Jane, why are you calling so late? Is something wrong? Jane?"

"I..."

"I haven't heard from you in months. You haven't called since you left Boston, where are you?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Why are you calling? Is everything okay?"

"I just miss Boston. I guess I needed to hear a familiar voice."

"You can come home."

"I'm not ready to come home."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Goodnight," she hangs up.

Maura looks at her phone in the darkness of her room. She flips on the lamp, and goes to the call log. She stares at the phone in disappointment realizing the last received call was from a blocked number. Jane returns the phone to the bedside stand. She hears a door open, and close, and footsteps on the stair case. Someone walks into the room, and tiptoes around the bed. She lies in bed, silently as she listens to the shower. The shower is quick due to the fact that the water is mostly cold. Someone pulls the covers back, and climbs in bed next to her.

"I didn't think that you would be home tonight," Jane says just above a whisper.

The body rolls towards her, "I thought you would be asleep by now. It's almost one o'clock."

"I couldn't sleep."

"The baby keeping you up again?"

"No."

"Honey are you okay?"

"Yeah," she lies.

She feels a pair of strong arms wrap around her, "Tell me the truth."

"I just miss home, sometimes."

"You are home."

"Why aren't you at work?"

"You sound disappointed," he points out.

"I'm not. I just thought you were on storm duty."

"I was, but they decided that it would be better for me to come back in the morning."

"Why?"

"I have to lead the crew that goes out of town to restore power," he answers.

"Oh."

"Goodnight," he kisses her.

"So what's that code for, Nick?"

"I have to go out of town because we are tracking some packages. We're getting close, so you need to be vigilant at work."

"My cover is not as difficult to pull off as yours is," she reminds him.

"Right you get to be a cop, and I work for the power company."

"And we're going to live happily ever after with our dog, and..." she trails off.

"We should have this all wrapped up in the next week."

"I know."

"Two solid weeks before D-day."

"I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Night."


	26. Home Stretch

She barely hears him get out of bed to leave the following morning. He is up, and out the door before dawn ever rolls around. Her alarm clock goes off while it's still dark outside. She reaches for the lamp to flip it on, but nothing happens. She groans as she rolls over.

One more week, and she'll be finished with this operation. Then she won't have to worry about staying under cover, or her temporary position with the DEA. She won't have to think about pretending to be happily married in order to keep her partner safe. By the time the week is over the small task force she's working with will be able to bring down a major player in drug trafficking the United States.

When it's all over she can move on. Within a month she'll return to Boston as if nothing has ever happened. When people ask her where she went she can reply that it's classified, and not have to discuss it. The perfect plan.

She sits up in bed, and places her hand in what could be described as a puddle. She angrily reaches for the flashlight. She flips it on, and shines it at the black ball of fur asleep at the head of her bed.

"Really, Oakley? I know that you are territorial, and you don't like Nick to sleep in here, but it's not okay for you to pee in the bed."

The dog doesn't even open her eyes during the lecture. Jane rises from the bed, and begins to peel the linens off the bed. As she pulls on the fitted sheet she realizes that she's wet too. She lets go of the sheet, and heads into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She flips on the battery operated lantern on the bathroom counter for occasions such as this, that seem to be rather frequent.

Amidst her panic she remembers about the back up generator. She treks down the stairs to the first floor, and then on to the basement. With her flashlight in hand she is able to locate the generator. She prays that there is gasoline in it as she flips the switch. She sighs in relief as the unit begins to purr. She makes her way from the basement back up the stairs to the master suite. She heads into the closet, and pulls out clothes for the day. She heads into the bathroom, and flips on the light. Remembering the wet bed clothes she returns to the bedroom, and proceeds to strip the bed.

She tosses the linens in the laundry hamper in the bathroom. She peels off her clothes, and chucks them in the hamper too. She turns on the shower, and steps inside. As the water begins to circle the drain she notices that it is discolored. She looks down at her leg, and finds a thick liquid dripping down her thigh towards the drain. She stands as still as a statue for a moment, hoping that she's mistaken. As the adrenaline from being in the dark begins to wear off she realizes that she's in pain. She finishes her shower, certain that a five minute shower will not change the outcome of the situation. She pulls her sopping wet hair up into a towel. She grabs a second towel and wraps it around her body.

She takes a deep breath, trying to remain calm. She stands in the bathroom mirror, draped in a towel as she combs her hair. Without warning the electricity cuts out again. Standing in the dark she tries to recall the last time they put gas in the generator. Her recollection is foggy as the pain becomes closer, and more intense with each contraction.

She heads into the bedroom, and pulls on a sundress. The storm is over, but the sun still isn't visible. She exits the bedroom, and tries to maintain her composure as she walks down the stairs. She has to stop midway down to grip the handrail, as she writhes in pain. She makes it to the bottom of the stairs, and waddles into the kitchen. She pours a scoop of dog food into the bowl, and grabs her keys off the kitchen table. She exhales as she pulls the door open. She steps outside onto the porch, and finds a path of destruction. There is a branch lying in the yard that narrowly missed the porch. She walks to the other end of the porch, and she heads towards the driveway. She stops dead in her tracks as she stares at the vehicle in front of her. There is a sizeable branch across the windshield. She heads to the end of the driveway, contemplating walking to the neighbor's house.

She stares into the road, and finds a downed power line two hundred yards from her house. She looks to the left, and finds a telephone line lying across the road in a field. Walking down the road is entirely out of the question. She turns around, and goes back into the house. She grabs her cell phone, and unlocks the screen. It only takes her a millisecond to realize that she has no service. She proceeds to the landline. She picks up the receiver, and finds that it's dead, obviously.

As she looks out the window towards the neighbor's house in desperation, she realizes that both of their vehicles are gone. The husband is a volunteer fireman, and the wife is a nurse at the local E.R. The one medical professional with in a two mile radius, and she's at the hospital, ten miles away. Her contractions continue to increase in severity.

She makes her way out of the kitchen towards the stairs. She stops at the back of the couch in the living room. She lowers herself to the ground. She rests on her hands, and knees. After the contraction passes she soldiers on, insistent that she can't have a baby on the living room floor.

She manages to make it to the upstairs bathtub. She pulls back the curtain, and the light from the rising sun streams in through the window. She looks down, and realizes that her phone is still in her hand. She places it on the bathroom counter as she gathers towels, and an unused medicine dropper from Oakley's puppy days. She finds a pair of scissors, and a hair clip. She locates a box of matches, and rubbing alcohol. She dumps alcohol on the scissors, and strikes a match, effectively sanitizing them. She places them in a freshly laundered wash cloth. She moves her supplies to the ledge of the bathtub.

In a fit of irrational thought she grabs her phone, and dials the first number that comes to her mind.

"Jane?" The voice on the other end startles her as she hadn't expected the call to go through.


End file.
